Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Get up, Lazy Human! We want to Play!

by Cat Crazy

IMG_3643The 2-legged is usually up early and going all day long.  This is supposed to be a long 3- or 4-day weekend for most in the U.S., but the human has been hard at work every day. <<It’s amazing what you can get done when clients aren’t calling and eMailing constantly.>>  Having accomplished most of what was on her ambitious TO DO list, the human decided she’d try to get a bit of extra shuteye this morning. After a week of hot, humid nights that aren’t to her liking, it was actually cool and comfy — perfect sleeping weather. However, the 4-legged overlords and overlady had other plans.
IMG_3648First, Pepe the Blanket Monster attacked the hapless human. He started by digging briskly at the blankets that draped the sleeping hominid. She reached a hand down and stroked his back, asking him to settle down. <<No chance! I’m jazzed. Whatchya gonna do about it?>>  Next he did his best impression of a mole. He dove nose-first into the blankets and pushed for all he was worth with his back feet, ostensibly to maneuver his way under the blankets so he could stick an ice-cold nose against warm human skin. That usually gets a shriek, but this time all she did was roll over on her side and face in the opposite direction — not the intended goal.  He tried more nose diving against her back, but she just pulled the blankets tighter around her. Next he jumped on top of her and balanced his 15.5 lb on 2 ribs.  Needless to say, that wasn’t pleasant. Good thing the yoga-practicing human has strong bones. Back down he jumped and flopped on the bed beside her legs. That led to more digging and pummeling her feet under the blankets. <<Sheesh!>> Frustrated he wasn’t getting anywhere, he jumped off the bed and went looking for more exciting things.IMG_3647Next up was Corky.  He too did the rib-balancing trick, but he only weights 13.5 lb, so didn’t make quite as strong an impression. He got pets and thanks for his visit. That was about as exciting as it got, so he left too.IMG_3642Caesar joined the parade at this point, sitting up near the human and staring at her. She got the psychic message and reached a weary arm out of the covers and stroked his soft fur. He purred contentedly, then flopped on his side so his tail was flicking against the human’s arm. She reached a hand over to be near him, but got too close to toes or tummy and got repaid with an attack by the claws and teeth of death. <<If you’re a small mouse, that’s really what they’d be.>>  The human shrieked, yanked her arm back, and rolled on her back. Fireball now joined the party, nuzzling the human’s arm as Caesar stood up again and washed the Copper Kitty’s fur coat. The human tried to pet both of them in her groggy state.  Fireball jumped on the human for more pets and got his downy-fluff fur all over her face. Caesar joined Fireball. so now there were 2 kitties balancing on the lumpy human furniture. Back up came Pepe, who flopped down in the spot recently vacated by Caesar and started washing his nether regions.  The human reached her hand over to pet him, but got attacked by cloud paws and teeth. She yanked her hand back, Fireball chirped and ran off for more interesting territory, and Caesar ambled down to the bottom of the bed by the human’s legs.  IMG_3649At this point, waking up seemed a reasonable act, so the frustrated human grabbed the cell phone and started checking eMail, news, and weather. Pepe bounded onto her abdomen and then proceeded to walk up her chest and stand with both forepaws on the very-sore pectoral muscles the human had torn last weekend. <<Argh!>> She finally got him to lay down (inches from her face), but at least that distributed the weight a bit and made the pain level in her pulled muscles back down to a tolerable range.IMG_3645Soon, Fireball was back draping himself over the human again and displacing Pepe, who by now was standing on the human’s legs.IMG_3654Que the Merkitty, who arrived for some pillow action. She flopped down and nuzzled the left side of the human’s head, mixing and purring, and generally being a cuddle bunny. However, she also was on guard for the human to sit up and grab her, as she still remembered that terrible tasting medicine. <<Blech!>> Fortunately for all, the medication is done so she had a nice cuddle session with the human’s face tucked into her tummy. Meanwhile the human’s allergies flared up and her eyes started swelling from all the up-close-and-personal kitty attention. <<Have I ever mentioned I’m off-the-charts allergic to cats? Who says the Universe doesn’t have a sense of humor?>> The human went back to reading news, and the Merkitty realized she wasn’t getting the lion(ess)’ share of the attention, so she jumped up on the human’s chest and literally drove Pepe and Fireball away (not an easy task).  Up jumped Corky to join the party on the lumpy human furniture, but the Merkitty beat back the opposition. Corky returned to the floor and complained quite loudly. <<Get up, lazy Human! The cellar beckons, breakfast is calling, and we want to play. Are you going to lay here all day?>>IMG_3660Finally, after attempting to take some photos of all the comings and goings, the human gave up and decided she might as well get up and start her day.  Her eyes were swollen and her nose was stuffy. Time to get some space from all that luscious fur.

Happy Memorial Day.


(c) Copyright 2016, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.



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