Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Bad Human

When You Really, Really, Really Don’t Want to Get Out of Bed

Sometimes it’s not easy getting started with your day. The human was stuck because she couldn’t finish making the bed. The Big Guy was determined that he was not going to move.

Making the bed around the big kitty did not seem to change his mind. He just sat there looking cute…and aggrieved.

The human could hardly blame him, as the 2-legged had a hard time getting out of bed herself. The awful heat and humidity had broken briefly and everyone was enjoying a couple of days of blessed cool with low humidity.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Evilness of Humans

According to both Mac and Caesar, the evilness of humans in this house knows no bounds. For instance, the human picked up Caesar while he was rubbing against her leg and spirited him off to the location of the nail clippers. She then proceeded to hold hm captive while she quickly trimmed all 5 nails on each of his front paws. No harm was done but the Big Guy was NOT pleased! He has made sure to sit down on the floor anytime he gets near the human during the past few days as that makes it much harder for her to pick him up.

Then, poor Mac was catnapped (while having a cat nap) yesterday morning, put in a carrier, and transported to the vet for a checkup. Exams always involve thermometers up the butt and bloodwork. Plus, then Mac was rendered a prisoner cat (isolated in a closed bedroom) for a couple of hours when human and kitty returned home in order to get a clean urine sample that had to be re-transported back to the vet’s office. And this morning, Mac was once again picked up against her will and transported for nail clipping, which the human did quickly and without harm, but completely against Mac’s wishes.

Sometimes it’s unclear whether keeping the human around to pay the mortgage and utilities, open cat food cans, and scoop litter boxes is worth the hassle.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Recent Hit Toy

Not everything the human buys the kitties is a complete failure.

They’ve always loved laser pointers. However, the challenge with most of them is that they require a number of tiny batteries that cost more to replace than the laser pointer costs in the first place. The inexpensive laser pointer suddenly becomes far more costly, not to mention that they contribute toxic waste to landfills for those who have no way to recycle batteries locally.

The human recently found a great laser pointer that solves the problem by being rechargeable via a USB port hidden under a cap on one end. That makes the $10 USD laser pointer pay for itself by the second or third charge. Even better, this LED-based laser pointer has 2 additional settings that activate a flashlight, handy when stumbling around in the dark, and a blacklight, which is perfect for checking for urine (over)spray around litterboxes. Even better, the laser “dot” seems to be slight wider than that of previous laser pointers, and the kitties chase it day and night. In fact, this enrichment toy has proven so well loved that the human ended up purchasing a second one for upstairs as well as down.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Enrichment Toy Failures

Knowing that her furry monsters have no opportunity to go outside, except on the “catio” (screened in porch), the human tries to keep them mentally stimulated and physically active. One way she does that is by purchasing so-called enrichment toys, which are supposed to make them think and move. Now, on balance, most of these toys have been a complete flop with a few exceptions. It’s not that the (completely unbiased) human thinks the kitties are not very smart, it’s that she thinks they are equal parts devious and lazy. Why go to the trouble of pushing the dome around on the puzzle feeder in order to get a few crunchies, when throwing a tantrum at 3 am almost always guarantees that the drowsy human will overfill the crunchy bowl? <<<So much more food for so much less effort!>>> And why run around chasing something when it’s clearly far more entertaining to make the human run around and retrieve things instead?

Here is a sad list of failed enrichment toy purchases that did not live up to their billing.

The flopping fish (too scary for big kitties)

The puzzle feeder (mostly the 4 that could operate it just sat around looking at the human and imploring her to turn the dome instead of doing it themselves)

And the newest flop? The (soundless) clear ball that flashes a sequence of colored lights when bumped (they just look at the toy, then at the human, as if to ask <<<Why? What were you thinking?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Defect in the Bowl

<<<For those with eyes and a willingness to see reality, there clearly is a defect in the bowl on the right. It is utterly empty…devoid of even the smallest crumb of food. You can tell this because of the gaping chasm at the bottom of the bowl. Those brown things? Not sure what they are. Not food anyway.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Not Pleased with Our Human

We tried replacing our human a few years back when she completely ignored our blog for several months. Unfortunately, no other human seemed to want the job we offered. We adjusted our expections downward (by several orders of magnitude) and decided to chill when our 2-legged got really busy and didn’t make time to let our fans know what we’ve been doing. Still, that doesn’t make it easy and it certainly doesn’t mean that we have to like it when our blog gets ignored. (Don’t worry, our human is still doing all the important household tasks to keep us healthy and well fed.) Still, humans are really challenging pets to keep and they require constant training.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Caesar & the Scary Human

The human started to walk toward the Emperor Kitty, who was otherwise engaged in deep thoughts.

The Big Guy glanced nervously at the approaching human. <<<Does she have the nail clippers hiding in her hands?>>>

<<<Pretend to look away so she doesn’t think you’re watching her. Maybe she’ll just walk by.>>> And she did. No kitties were harmed, no nails were trimmed, no feet were illegally petted, only a couple of quick pics were shot and the 2-legged went on her way. <<<Whew!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Fishy

The silly human came home from the pet-supply store the other evening practically cackling with delight. She’d found a new “educational” cat toy — or, rather, one that promised mental enrichment for the cats. It was a sizeable “fish” stuffed with fluff, catnip, and a USB-chargeable unit that causes the tail to flip back and forth. This creates the effect of a thrashing fish, as if it had suddenly found itself out of water. The fish effectively flips itself across the floor while also making a clicking sound. The 2-legged had to charge the unit before first use, so she removed the innards and plugged them in, then brought the rest of the fish upstairs for the cats to check out. Both Caesar and Pepe gave it a sniff, and several times that evening Pepe gave it a good thrashing.

It’s probably appropriate then that as soon as the human and cats came down for breakfast, and the human reassembled the toy and put it on the ground, Pepe came over to check it out.

He was soon joined by Caesar, who rushed over to see what was up with this strange creature that had found its way into their house. It turns out that the fish is touch-sensitive, so after thrashing around and clicking for about 90 seconds, it lays still (and goes silent) until someone touches it with a paw or nose or hand in the middle section — not at the tail or head where the Big Boys were sniffing. By now, Corky had joined the team investigating the interloper.

The human has been moving the fish around the house for the last few days. In the long run, it may fail to hold their attention, but at least for now whenever Caesar hears that particular clicking, he rushes into the room and starts sniffing the creature. This morning, the human found the Emperor laying beside the fish toy, as though on guard. And when he got up, the human found 5 toy mice sitting beside the fish. Did he think the fish was hungry? Or did he think the mice would teach the fish some manners? It’s times like this that the human really would love to know what her masters were thinking.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Little Morning Exercise

The human was eating her breakfast and the Pepster was right beside her. For a while, he was content to just lay sprawled out on the chair, but then he got bored.

He started looking for something he could steal to entertain himself. The human pulled out a small piece of metallized film from a treat she’d finished and began waving the piece back and forth along the back of the chair.

The Pepster had a grand time attacking the shiny object the human was moving here and there.

Eventually he tired and left for the upstairs. At least he got a little exercise.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Dereliction of Duty

<<<Clearly, even a human can see that the bottom is showing in this crunchy bowl.>>>

<<<You can’t possibly expect us to eat out of a bowl that’s almost empty. Why do you make us suffer so?>>>

<<<Really, you don’t plan to refill the bowl? We’ll starve!>>>

<<<Come on, there’s nothing worth eating here. Maybe we should advertise for a new human again?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Pepe Braves the Pink Puff

Mac was camped out in the brown puff in the other room and Caesar had staked out a place in one of the other cat beds. Pepe decided he would give the pink puff a spin.

He carefully climbed in and had a look around.

It wasn’t long before he’d flipped around, belly to the sky, and dangled his paws out of the puff while the human snapped some pics. Caesar kept watch lest the human got too close. (The 2-legged decided to behave.)

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Are You REALLY Making Fun of My Face Again?

<<<That’s not even civil, let alone fair.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Strategic Utilization of Sunlight

The human walked upstairs in the middle of the afternoon and spied one of the cats strategically positioned to enjoy a spot of sunlight. At first the human wasn’t even sure which cat it was.

As the two-legged drew closer, she thought she saw a pair of little white feet, indicating it was Corky.

Sure enough, it was the little Banu Bear, who appeared to be in a good mood and not intending on moving anywhere anytime soon. <<<Can’t a guy relax and enjoy a little peace in this house?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Back and Forth

<<<Do you see the level of the crunchies in this bowl? It’s getting lower…much lower. Soon it will be empty.>>>

<<<But there are plenty of crunchies in that bowl. You have to eat them up before they get stale.>>>

<<<How do you expect me to function with the prospect of impending starvation? It’s all I can think about right now.>>>

<<<You’re hardly going to starve in this house! There are 3 other food bowls just around the corner. You’ve gotten so spoiled. This idea that you can’t eat if you can see the sides or bottom of the bowl, when it is otherwise FILLED with crunchies, is beyond silly.>>>

<<<I’m so disgusted, I can’t even look at you anymore.>>>

<<<Princess Pouty Paws, you’re being silly.>>>

<<<My trust is broken and my heart is oh so heavy!>>>

<<<You’re being a drama queen, Mac. I’m not going to encourage this activity any further.>>>

<<<You are pure evil, human! Wait until you’re asleep. I’ll get my REVENGE!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Meeting of the Minds

Caesar and Pepe were having a meeting of the minds. They were dividing up the territory and deciding who would govern each region. Of course, there was also the matter of the human, who needs constant supervision and frequent reinstruction. They concluded that task was too big a burden for any one cat to take on, even with all their superpowers, so they decided to share the responsibility.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Why do You Always Blame Me?

<<<Just saying…>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Mac Among the Plants

The human happened to walk into the living room and spied a little face sticking up among the plants. She was catching some sunrays and enjoying being partially hidden by the couch.

Unfortunately for the Merkitty, the human spied her and started snapping photos.

Which just caused the Smirky one to ignore the 2-legged and pretend that she and her camera weren’t approaching.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Big Boys Enjoy a Snooze

The Big Boys, Pepe (front) and Caesar (back) were enjoying a little snooze in the afternoon sunshine. However, as the camera-wielding human walked closer, both were on guard lest the two-legged try to pet paws and foreheads. Fortunately for them, the human was well behaved this time.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Quiet Conversation

The human came upon this improbable scene this week.

Mac was in “her” pink puff with her head facing over her shoulder. But Caesar’s head was also in the puff as, apparently, was the front half of his body.

Caesar would be hard-pressed to fit in the puff on his own, let alone in combination with the Smirky One. Instead, he found a way to have a tête-à-tête until the evil human and her camera happened along.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

What do You Mean by ‘Don’t Make that Face?’

<<<And what makes you think you have the right to say anything about me anyway?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.