Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Dreadful Things

Thunderbear has become ThunderRainBear

It’s summer and it’s been terribly hot and humid. That means, thunderstorms have been moving through the area with increased frequency. Caesar, the Thunderbear, is terribly afraid of the sound of thunder as well as the ridiculous amount of fireworks that tend to be set off in this neighborhood between mid-June and early July. Prepandemic, fireworks could last 5-6 hours/night every night for weeks, absolutely terrorizing the Big Guy.

Unfortunately, Caesar now associates the sound of rain with the possibility of thunderstorms, no matter how unlikely the latter are. That means that every time he hears it rain — and it’s been doing that with great frequency and leaving great amounts of water of late — he huddles under the human’s chair and glues himself to her feet and ankles. <<<Why can’t the human make the scary sounds go away?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Evilness of Humans

According to both Mac and Caesar, the evilness of humans in this house knows no bounds. For instance, the human picked up Caesar while he was rubbing against her leg and spirited him off to the location of the nail clippers. She then proceeded to hold hm captive while she quickly trimmed all 5 nails on each of his front paws. No harm was done but the Big Guy was NOT pleased! He has made sure to sit down on the floor anytime he gets near the human during the past few days as that makes it much harder for her to pick him up.

Then, poor Mac was catnapped (while having a cat nap) yesterday morning, put in a carrier, and transported to the vet for a checkup. Exams always involve thermometers up the butt and bloodwork. Plus, then Mac was rendered a prisoner cat (isolated in a closed bedroom) for a couple of hours when human and kitty returned home in order to get a clean urine sample that had to be re-transported back to the vet’s office. And this morning, Mac was once again picked up against her will and transported for nail clipping, which the human did quickly and without harm, but completely against Mac’s wishes.

Sometimes it’s unclear whether keeping the human around to pay the mortgage and utilities, open cat food cans, and scoop litter boxes is worth the hassle.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Defect in the Bowl

<<<For those with eyes and a willingness to see reality, there clearly is a defect in the bowl on the right. It is utterly empty…devoid of even the smallest crumb of food. You can tell this because of the gaping chasm at the bottom of the bowl. Those brown things? Not sure what they are. Not food anyway.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Not Pleased with Our Human

We tried replacing our human a few years back when she completely ignored our blog for several months. Unfortunately, no other human seemed to want the job we offered. We adjusted our expections downward (by several orders of magnitude) and decided to chill when our 2-legged got really busy and didn’t make time to let our fans know what we’ve been doing. Still, that doesn’t make it easy and it certainly doesn’t mean that we have to like it when our blog gets ignored. (Don’t worry, our human is still doing all the important household tasks to keep us healthy and well fed.) Still, humans are really challenging pets to keep and they require constant training.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Caesar & the Scary Human

The human started to walk toward the Emperor Kitty, who was otherwise engaged in deep thoughts.

The Big Guy glanced nervously at the approaching human. <<<Does she have the nail clippers hiding in her hands?>>>

<<<Pretend to look away so she doesn’t think you’re watching her. Maybe she’ll just walk by.>>> And she did. No kitties were harmed, no nails were trimmed, no feet were illegally petted, only a couple of quick pics were shot and the 2-legged went on her way. <<<Whew!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Waterwerks

The human found this mess when she arrived in the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the monsters a few weeks back. Not only was the rack with both water bowls tipped onto its side, spilling water everywhere, but the absorbant pad underneath was pulled out from under the rack and completely off the rubber boot tray.

This is clearly the work of the house’s resident water monster (and floor destroyer), Macaroni the Merkitty. <<<Heavy sigh…>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Dereliction of Duty

<<<Clearly, even a human can see that the bottom is showing in this crunchy bowl.>>>

<<<You can’t possibly expect us to eat out of a bowl that’s almost empty. Why do you make us suffer so?>>>

<<<Really, you don’t plan to refill the bowl? We’ll starve!>>>

<<<Come on, there’s nothing worth eating here. Maybe we should advertise for a new human again?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Faithful Guardian of the Crunchy Bowl

Mac is the official guardian of the crunchy bowl. Even when the bowl is full, she sits beside it waiting for more to be added. Heaven help the human if she refills the bowl with a type of crunchy that the cats don’t like.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

I Have a Bone to Pick with You, Human

Four of the five cats were milling around in their early-afternoon foray asking for snacks. The human put down some dried catnip and silver vine.

Several of the meows checked out the catnip, then wandered over to sit and ponder the situation.

Undeterred, Mac walked over to tell the human just what she thought about the food offering.

<<<What part of ‘We want crunchies’ don’t you understand, human?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Hey Diddle Diddle

Here’s Caesar curled up in one of the kitty beds, looking like he’s flying through the air or leaping over his favorite pillow. His eyes are open and he’s watching the slow advance of the camera-clicking human. His forepaws are stretched out, so at great risk of being petted if he doesn’t pay close attention and pull them back under his chest if the human gets any closer. Fortunately, the human soon left him be.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Ander’s Blanket Gets Inspected

<<<That human needs to be closely watched every minute.>>>

<<<Did you see how crooked that cut was?>>>

<<<And just look at the way she tied off the fringe in that spot. Honestly, what would she do if I wasn’t here to give her lots of advice?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Turtle Much?

<<<Don’t say it. In fact, don’t even think it!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Why Does She Behave Like that?

Caesar was stumped. Macaroni was flipping back and forth on top of the sheet of crackly paper with limbs akimbo. Her coat was coated with catnip. She was insensible to reason.

<<<Such a lack of dignity…and with the human watching….>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Bowl or No Bowl?

Corky and Macaroni have a new “thing.” They cannot possibly eat out of a bowl of crunchies once a small section of the bottom of the bowl starts to show. No, it doesn’t matter how many crunchies are scattered all around the sides (as can be seen above). That bowl is now absolutely off limits, which means the human is in trouble and both cats are going to act out.

Interestingly, if the human just shakes the bowl and redistributes the contents so the bottom no longer shows, then the bowl is quite fine and the bad behavior stops — at least for a short time, until a small part of the bottom of the bowl shows again. Clearly, the human does not understand the need for such panic, so Corky and Mac amp up the mischief until the human can be persuaded to refill the bowl again.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Quick, Hide Your Paws!

Caesar was extending legs and tail out of one of the kitty beds while covered up with a bevy of blankets. The human crept forward, snapping photos as she went.

The Big Guy, realizing the perilous position of his paws, quickly pulled his body parts in and under the blankets so the human couldn’t pet them. She snapped a few more pictures and then walked away.

<<<Whew! It worked this time. Can’t a guy get any sleep around this place?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Suffering of Caesar

Only the cruelest of humans would bother a kitty in such a vulnerable position while sound asleep…

<<<Oh, but his paws are so velvety and his tummy is so soft.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

How Many Times Do I have to Tell You, that Doesn’t Work?

Corky was flummoxed. The human had once again failed to do his bidding. The bottom of the crunchy bowl was showing. That meant that no matter how many crunchies remained in the bowl, it was no longer possible to eat anything out of that bowl. And Corky was hungry…hangry even. The fact that the human shook the bowl and redistributed the contents, hiding the bottom, did not solve the problem that the bowl’s contents were getting dangerously low.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Jule’s Blanket Gets Pepe’s Help

Another blanket that benefited from Pepe’s beneficence was a lovely lavender and purple one for Jule’.

<<<I’d like to meet the person who invented pin cushions. They are way more entertaining than the toys our human buys us. Why can’t she be creative like that?>>>

Fortunately, the human’s friends are tolerant of receiving gifts with bits of cat fur on them.

<<<We need to talk about the quality of your work. You consider that a straight cut? That’s the best you can do with a template? What would this blanket look like if I weren’t keeping watch?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Toys Need Snacks too

Sliced chicken. Check. Toy mouse. Check.

Clearly, that mouse needs a bath after frolicking in the food bowl. Good thing the human discovered (by accident) that the toy mice can go through a full load of laundry and not delaminate. Oddly enough, that’s not the case when they spend the night in one of the water bowls. <<<Sigh.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Look What She Did to My Nails!

<<<First the evil human used the even more evil clippers on Caesar and then she used them on me. Look what she did to my beautiful nails! Is there no authority protecting bodily sanctity here? Okay, so maybe I was shredding the legs of her mahogany bed when she didn’t get up and refill my crunchy bowl at 2 am. Hey, I can’t eat out of it when the bottom is showing. Besides, how are these things even remotely comparable ?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.