Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Food

Cookie Jar

The kitties each get 2 raw freeze-dried treats from the “cookie jar” in the morning. This temporarily fills big holes in little tummies and buys the human a bit of time to get their soft food prepared before the yowling begins.  Originally, the human used to toss treats around on the floor and invite each cat to go chase down the snacks. Most would literally hunker down and stare at the human as if she was crazy. Even when the human managed to successfully get a snack to land right beside a cat, the cat usually could not be bothered to turn and nibble. However, if the human kneels down on the floor and puts all the treats out in front of the cats, then they are happy to eat. While one could never really say they are well behaved as the human prepares to divvy up snacks, they are remarkably restrained given how they act at other times.The trick is not to stay and enjoy watching them nosh on their nibbles, but to quickly put the lid back on and run to the kitchen and get the soft food prepared as soon as possible. Some mornings the human remembers the bigger goal; some mornings she just enjoys watching the penta pack enjoy their treats. Those days she deserves the yowling that follows.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

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How to Help a Sick Human Recover

Ah, your human is waylaid with influenza? That’s bad luck on your part as that means she’ll be focused on her own survival and not on your whims and desires.  The trick is to help your human recover so quickly that she once again returns to her role of faithful servant.  Here are some pointers.

  1. Do settle your 18 lb bulk on the human’s ribs and chest — all the better if you’re pressing down on one lung. The human will thank you later for helping strengthen her breathing.
  2. Push your face up really close to the human’s. Make sure your whiskers tickle her face.  Breathe on her (even if it means she breathes on you too). Reach out and lick her chin.  If she still doesn’t respond, step on her chin with one of your paws and press down. Guaranteed that will make her sit up.
  3. If she’s whimpering in a fetal curl, walk up and down her achy hips and legs. That may help ease some of her joint pain. Or not.
  4. If you can get her to lift the covers so you can slide under, fall asleep in her arms. When you wake up, make sure to reach up and poke her in the face. You want to make sure she’s still breathing.
  5. Human not doling out snacks and pets? Jump up on her and push your fluffy fur into her face.  That will help her breathe better.  Try clawing the pillows around her face to see if she responds.
  6. Yowl every 3 hours for food even if there are 3 kinds of food already laid out on the floor. (You can’t seriously be expected to have to eat old food from dirty bowls.) This way she doesn’t fall into a coma (or get much sleep).  If she cusses and snarls from her deathbed about all the food that’s out on the floor, jump up on her in bed and sing a song.  She’ll relax and stop the bad behavior. Just as she’s about to fall asleep, jump on her bladder or walk on her head. The latter is always helpful with influenza, since her head feel like it’s caught in a giant pair of vice grips anyway. Yelling will make her headache worse and will intensify the pain in every corner of her skull, including her teeth.  You’ve done your job. She’s still alive!
  7. Tag team her with your best pals.  Make sure she is surrounded and that everyone is singing songs to help her feel better.  Lull her back to sleep…for the moment.  Then repeat the above.

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

New Fuzzy Blankets are Well Received

Well, the human did one thing correctly for the holidays. She picked up 2 more fleece remnants at the fabric store and put them in the main kitty beds on the human’s bed. The new fuzzy blankets are colorful and fluffy, so everyone seems to like them a lot.  In fact, between the extra layer of blankets and the far-infrared mattress pad, it’s hard to get the cats out of the kitty nest in the morning for breakfast. Of course, if they hadn’t gotten the human up at 3 am for food, they probably would be hungrier and therefore more incentivized to eat at the proper time (and the human would be better rested).

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

White Mousy goes Dumpster Diving

The toy mice have been having great parties at night this week.  The human is greatly entertained with the places she finds them when she picks up each morning. Pink mousy showed up beside the smaller crunchy bowl upstairs, while orange mousy was close to climbing into the medium-sized litter box. Back into the toy box they go, only to reemerge for new adventures the next night. The other morning, white mousy went for a dive in one of the food bowls. The cats had nothing good to say about that meal offering, so hopefully at least someone enjoyed the food. Unfortunately, after sitting in a bowl of soppy soft food all night, white mousy is looking a bit worse for wear — even after a bath. Time for the human to clean out the three kitty toy boxes and see what else might need to be recycled.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Will You Stop Fussing & Get My Breakfast?

Who cares if the bed is made, the water bowls are washed and refilled, the plants are watered, and the litter boxes are cleaned?  I want food, and I want it now!  And I want better food than what you’ve been serving.  No, I can’t tell you what I want, not exactly, but I know it’s not any of the 5 bags of crunchies and 4 cans of soft food that you currently have open. You’re a human. Can’t you figure it out?

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Real Cat Grass…At Last!

The produce manager at the human’s grocery store called first thing Saturday morning to let her know they finally had organic wheat grass in and she should stop by if she wanted any. The human, who was already out and about running errands, drove up there post-haste! Since they’d said they’d have more in next week, she only bought 1 pot so others could have some.  She picked out a lovely, tall pot of grass and triumphantly brought it home to the meows. And what was their reaction? Corky ate some and then threw up on the couch. <<Oh yeah.>> So far no one else seems to be giving it any attention, although Pepe did crouch down behind the plants…staring at his brother Corky across the room.  <<That figures.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

Better, but STILL Not Kitty Grass!

The human still hasn’t found organic wheat grass for the fur furs.  It seems like the local supplies have dried up with the hot weather. Since the last of the old wheat grass was pretty passé, they ignored the rosemary plant, and previous attempts to cut grass and catnip leaves and bring them inside haven’t gone over well, the human was on a mission to find something else.  When she saw a “buy 1, get 1 free” special on live catnip plants the other day, she picked up a pair and triumphantly brought them home and presented the containers to her overlords and overlady.  As you can see, while they were interested and gave the plants an initial sniff or two, that’s about as far as that went. Now mind you, when the human does manage to get cat grass and bring it home, they’ll have 5 minutes of excitement and then ignore that plant too.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

THIS is NOT Kitty Grass!

For weeks, the human’s favorite grocery store had tons of pots of organic wheat grass, so she stopped buying two pots at a time to ensure the kitties had their grass. Now that the weather has turned hot and the indoor plants are back outside for the summer and fall <<Hallelujah!>>, there are no spider plant babies on which to nibble. That means the kitties are alternately grumpy and trying to gnaw on the pathetic-looking kitty grass that’s left — and it’s not looking very good, let me tell you.Last evening the human made her second trip in two days to that store and came home empty handed (as far as kitty grass is concerned).  However, she did find a dandy pot of rosemary for a very good price and picked it up. When the kitties sauntered out to the kitchen to see what the 2-legged was up to and saw her holding a green plant, they got excited and ran over. She set the pot of rosemary down in front of them and all 5 came over and gave it a sniff. Two immediately departed with a disgusted look. <<That’s NOT kitty grass, idiot human. We thought you were a master gardener. Can’t you tell rosemary and wheat grass apart?>> The other 3 were a tad more interested or forgiving and spent more time checking out the greenery. In the end, they all concluded this was not acceptable table fare and walked away. The human will make another visit today, as otherwise punishment of some sort cannot be far away.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Happy Cats (or the Swirling Masses)

What to see what happy cats look like? This is a bag of pure, freeze dried raw chicken breast.  All the human has to do is shake the bag and they come running, plaintive cries and all.  And when the human opens the bag and puts it on the floor, everyone has to have a sniff. There is lots of extraneous grooming as they wait patiently for the human to stop taking pictures and start tossing treats for them to chase.Notice the laser eyes boring into the slow, lazy human who is still too preoccupied with photo-taking to do her job of feeding the meows? She would be fired if there were another human slave nearby who was willing (or could be forced) to assume her duties.  (Heavy sigh…)

 

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

Must Get the Very Last Crunchie!

Heard a crash early in the morning. Groggy mind went through the options and decided to stay in bed and return to sleep.Sure enough, when the lazy human woke up, this is what she found when she went to change water in the water bowls.Someone was trying to capture fallen crunchies by pulling the absorbent pad out from under the water and, by then, empty crunchy bowls. Funny thing about the rack…it tips over when you pull the pad out from under it.  Notice the flood? Thank goodness the grey rubber mat caught the worst of it. Argh. Merkitty is the suspect.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.