Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Vengance

Waterwerks

The human found this mess when she arrived in the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the monsters a few weeks back. Not only was the rack with both water bowls tipped onto its side, spilling water everywhere, but the absorbant pad underneath was pulled out from under the rack and completely off the rubber boot tray.

This is clearly the work of the house’s resident water monster (and floor destroyer), Macaroni the Merkitty. <<<Heavy sigh…>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Back and Forth

<<<Do you see the level of the crunchies in this bowl? It’s getting lower…much lower. Soon it will be empty.>>>

<<<But there are plenty of crunchies in that bowl. You have to eat them up before they get stale.>>>

<<<How do you expect me to function with the prospect of impending starvation? It’s all I can think about right now.>>>

<<<You’re hardly going to starve in this house! There are 3 other food bowls just around the corner. You’ve gotten so spoiled. This idea that you can’t eat if you can see the sides or bottom of the bowl, when it is otherwise FILLED with crunchies, is beyond silly.>>>

<<<I’m so disgusted, I can’t even look at you anymore.>>>

<<<Princess Pouty Paws, you’re being silly.>>>

<<<My trust is broken and my heart is oh so heavy!>>>

<<<You’re being a drama queen, Mac. I’m not going to encourage this activity any further.>>>

<<<You are pure evil, human! Wait until you’re asleep. I’ll get my REVENGE!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Look What She Did to My Nails!

<<<First the evil human used the even more evil clippers on Caesar and then she used them on me. Look what she did to my beautiful nails! Is there no authority protecting bodily sanctity here? Okay, so maybe I was shredding the legs of her mahogany bed when she didn’t get up and refill my crunchy bowl at 2 am. Hey, I can’t eat out of it when the bottom is showing. Besides, how are these things even remotely comparable ?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Very, Very Bad Human

The very, very bad human is still alive and still living with us. Yes, we have been merciful, even though she hasn’t posted on our blog since late October. How are we supposed to keep up with our fans? Still, we’ve let her know in many ways that she continues to disappoint us. We finally had a breakthrough this afternoon when we guilted her into creating this post. How long the guilt will last is anyone’s guess, but at least we’ve made some kind of progress.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Nail Trimming & the Modern Cat

<<What do you mean exactly by ‘it’s time to get your toenails trimmed?’>>

<<Don’t make me hurt you human, because I will! Why do you think I keep my claws so long and sharp?>>

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Understudy

Turns out that Ms. Mac may have been justifiably offended when the human accused her of tossing water out of the bowl and flooding floors on several levels of the house the past few weeks. It’s not that the human hasn’t caught her red-handed with her paws in the water bowl.  However, she’s apparently been busy training understudies. Now, Fireball and Corky are also drinking oddly out of the bowls and tossing water around. In fact, splashing water out onto the floor has become Corky’s go-to form of throwing a tantrum. He’s come to understand that the human merely laughs when he stands up behind the curtains and pummels them.  Hence, he’s adopted one of Mac’s more annoying behaviors to get the human to respond to whatever it is that he wants in the moment. How the human is going to respond to this situation is a matter of great discussion at the moment.

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Free to a Good Home: Slightly Used, Partially Aquatic Tuxedo Cat

The Merkitty has been very busy flooding the water bowls upstairs and down — not just once or twice but three times a day. The human simply can’t get the microfiber dish-drying mats under the water bowls dried fast enough to keep up, so has had to go out and purchase more of them. Still, the splash, splash, splash of little black & white paws continues. When the human catches the Merkitty doing this and scolds her, asking her to stop, the 2-legged gets a glare from the 4-legged, and the Merkitty gets the hairy eyeball from the lower life form. In fact, there was an epic stare down in the hallway on Saturday evening. That led to two days of the Merkitty boycotting the “kitty nest” (the human’s bed) and sleeping elsewhere.  However, something has shifted and the new mats aren’t nearly as wet when the human has checked them. Even better, Miss Macaroni has returned to the communal sleeping area and even curled up with the evil human this morning. Does this indicate that detente is near? <<Don’t worry, we aren’t really parting with the Girly Girl. She keeps life way too interesting.>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

What! No Takers?

Interestingly, the feline masters seem shocked that not one single human being has applied to become the unpaid help in this house. What a deal it is. You get a small portion of the bed and a few drawers and one small closet to store your clothes, plus a single shelf in the refrigerator for your food. Your job is to be at their beck and call 24/7. Forget about uninterrupted sleep or any ideas of being in charge of the small but bossy 4-leggeds. They won’t tolerate that for a moment.  Guess they’ll have to continue putting up with their well-worn and reasonably well-trained human…at least for a bit longer.

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image (c) Can Stock Photo.

Help Wanted

Our human hasn’t posted on our blog for over 6 weeks.  We’re tired of all the excuses about how hard she’s been working, all the computer problems she’s had, and how tired she is. The fact is, our needs are not coming first — at least not all the time as they should be. Therefore, we’ve decided to look for a replacement human. Perhaps you know someone who would like to apply? Here are the qualifications:

  • Must blog regularly.
  • Must take daily pictures of us being cute and express appreciation that we allowed our photos to be taken.
  • Must not be squeamish when we put our toy mice in the food or water bowls. We do it….regularly. And Mac floods the floors from time to time. Get over it.
  • Must be willing to clean the litter boxes daily and wash them every 2 weeks…at minimum.
  • Did we mention that this is an unpaid job?
  • Must wash our fleece blanket collection at least once a month. We like all our bedding to be hung outside so it smells wonderful.
  • Must be available at all times when we wish to play, be petted, get brushed, have snacks, or be entertained…none of this “please don’t wake me up at 2 am” silliness. On the other hand, must respect our boundaries when we don’t want anything to do with you. Get over that too. You’re not in charge.
  • Must be willing to work hard (or be financially independent) in order to keep up our home and supply us with all the premium cat food to which we are accustomed and about which we will constantly complain. You must buy it anyway…even if we don’t always eat it.
  • And did we mention that this is an unpaid job?
  • Must keep the computer on and be willing to vacate it when we want to buy something or complain about our treatment on the blog.
  • Must be willing to share your credit card number as we’re very fond of Amazon Prime. In fact, we need more toy mice, as the last batch is messy after too many trips into the food bowls.
  • Must tolerate wide fluctuations in temperature — often in the same day — be unbothered by an absolute absence of sunlight much of the year, and not hate winter as it can last 5-6 months. And when it’s not snowing, it’s often raining. We can’t do anything about the weather. However, if you can, we’d really like to talk with you.

Any takers?

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image (c) Can Stock Photo.

She’s Trying to Get Back in Our Good Graces

<<Notice the occasional post that’s not from us? That’s our human trying to get back in our good graces again by showing her willingness to keep the blog active. It might work…then again, it might not. Anyone else out there more reliable and desirous of a non-paying job serving our needs?>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image from Fotolia.com.

Still Thinking About it…

<<We’re still thinking about giving the human back her old job of writing our blog posts. She does have a lot of experience, and her paws do much better on the keyboard than our own, but we have to remind her that our needs come first…ALL of our needs, not just food, shelter, and litter-box cleaning — all of which, admittedly, she does keep up.  The longer we take to give her an answer, the more desperate she gets, which is pretty funny.>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image from Fotolia.com.

Fired Again

<<The human has hardly posted at all during the last month. She’s been too preoccupied with work deadlines and had too little focus on telling our story to the world. That’s no way to make us feel special. We fired her. She’s contrite and has asked for her old job back. We’re considering it. What do you think? Should we take her back?>>

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photo from Fotolia.com.

Continuing to Push her Luck

As if 2 vet visits, dental work, and an IV in his leg weren’t bad enough, the human continues to try the patience of the Emperor. She had to give him pain meds twice daily for three days after his procedure, plus is in day 8 of a 13-day round of once-daily antibiotic doses.  Since Caesar knows that when the human is standing up and walking around, he’s at risk of getting yucky stuff pushed down his throat, he wisely hides when he sees her skulking about — especially when she has one arm down at her side or behind her back. <<This isn’t my first rodeo!>> That means that the human has had to get even trickier and change around the time of day when the medication is given.  <<There’s no time when it’s safe to get a wee bit of shut eye.>> Fortunately, while he was in for his dental work, the compassionate vet tech trimmed all of the Emperor’s lethal set of claws. That enables the wimpy human to be bolder in her efforts to medicate the Emperor.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

The Wall Switch

Mac has developed a whole series of devious tactics for waking the human up in the middle of the night and getting her out of bed long enough to refill the crunchy bowl. (Try as we can, neither Pepe nor the human have been able to teach Mac how to spin the wheel on the automatic feeder so she can dispense a few crunchies for herself…and why would she when she can torment the human?)

One of Mac’s most annoying tactics is to stand up in one of the kitty beds and pull down the switch on the wall, killing all power to the bed. That effectively stops the mobile phone from recharging (and backing up files), shuts off the light (if it was on at the time), and kills power to the far-infrared mattress pad — a real pain in the backsides in cold weather. To make her threats even more effective, she makes sure she scratches loudly on the wall before killing the power. If that fails to wake the human, an alternative method is to jump down to the floor and pull the power cord out of the wall that feeds all the bedside goodies.  Such a little monster!

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Failure to Post

 

 

<<Need we say more?>>

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Fotolia.com.

Fired!

Found by the human on her keyboard this morning…

Yes, she’s been busy at work again and has failed to blog.  What are the kitties to do? <<It’s awfully cold to send the 2-legged outside, but if this keeps up, we’ll consider it.>>

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photo courtesy of Fotolia.com.

Curtain Beater

Corky has developed the craziest way of acting out lately. When the human is reluctant to refill the food bowl, he ducks behind some curtains in front of a sliding-glass door, stands on his back legs, and then bats the curtains for all he’s worth while letting out a string of vocal complaints.  The camera hasn’t managed to catch him in the act yet, but it has caught him right after doing the dirty deed. Notice his tail is still under the fabric? Why would you suppose that beating up on some curtains would make the human do what you want?Does he look guilty to you? This acting out often does have the desired effect of encouraging the human to put a few more crunchies in the food bowl. Hence, there’s probably little hope that he’ll stop anytime soon.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Most Evil Cat Torture Device?

Which torture device do you think is most scary?  It’s a close call between the nail clippers and the vacuum.  However, the clippers only come out once a month and only three of the cats have front claws that need to be trimmed.  The vacuum, on the other hand, comes out multiple times a week and causes pandemonium among all the boy kitties.  Yes, you guessed it, Miss Mac is not afraid of the vacuum as long as she’s up high and it stays down on the floor and doesn’t come too near. She just smirks at it. The boys, on the other hand, run for the next floor whenever they even hear the cord rattle and long before the scary motor turns on.

By the way, bells didn’t even make the list this year. That’s got to be progress of a type.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. First photo from Fotolia.com. Other photos my own.

Should We Punish Her?

<<You’ve noted the lack of postings of late have you not? The human is back to focusing too much time and effort on work and too little on us — or at least on chronicling our adventures for you, our admirers. Yes, we’ve learned to post, and yes we know how to buy stock photos from the internet, but no we don’t know how to use the camera…not that we could pry her cell phone away from her to get access to it. So what do you think we should do? We thought about sending her back to the doghouse, but right after we did that she abandoned us to go camping.  Perhaps that was not as well conceived as we thought. Humans…can’t live with them and can’t live without them.>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photo from Fotolia.

Our Human is Home

<<It’s about time.  Can’t let her know we actually missed her. That would give her the upper hand. However, we did miss her and we’re glad she’s back. Never fear, we’ve been plotting our revenge all week. You can bet there will be some funny pictures and posts in the not-too-distant future…if we can get her to get back to blogging that is.>>

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos from Fotolia.com.