Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Bad Behavior

Brat-a-Saurus Messes with the Silly Human

Of late, Cranky Corky (aka Brat-a-Saurus) has had a great game going with the human. He starts in anywhere from midnight on and wails plaintively about the lack of fresh crunchies in the food bowl. (No worries, he’s not sick, he just hates being on a diet.)  Never mind that there is soft food sitting in one bowl and crunchies that are now puffed up from absorbing water sitting in a second bowl right next to him. No, he wants fresh crunchies and he wants them now! If the human doesn’t respond, he literally jumps in bed and stomps on her body, then he pounces on Mac and bites her neck or he chases poor Fireball off the bed and all the way downstairs.  In short, Cranky Corky is a royal pain in the back side and a complete brat.  Only when the human gets up and dispenses a small amount of fresh crunchies does peace and quiet return — for a few hours at least. Unfortunately, the more the human acquiesces, the more frequently the Angry Ankylosaurus pulls this stunt. The other option is to lock the Crankster in the other bedroom, although then everyone has to listen to him whine and complain for several hours before he settles down.  Anyone interested in adopting cute, middle-aged male cat with grey & white tuxedo markings? I might know one who needs a new home.  (Said by a human operating on weeks of little sleep.)

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

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Give me Attention or Suffer the Consequences!

This is the once petite and sweet Juniper, who owns the human’s niece.  Said niece had been very busy with work and life and had left Princess Fluffernutter home alone a lot lately.  When that 2-legged did return home — with mail in tow — and found a magazine she wanted to read, she tossed it on the couch intending to curl up and read it.  However, the Princess wasn’t going to be ignored any longer. She hopped up and defiantly laid herself across the magazine so it was now inaccessible to the human — at least without expending some effort.

What’s the moral to this story? Ignore a cat at your peril!

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photo by M. Ray.

How to Help a Sick Human Recover

Ah, your human is waylaid with influenza? That’s bad luck on your part as that means she’ll be focused on her own survival and not on your whims and desires.  The trick is to help your human recover so quickly that she once again returns to her role of faithful servant.  Here are some pointers.

  1. Do settle your 18 lb bulk on the human’s ribs and chest — all the better if you’re pressing down on one lung. The human will thank you later for helping strengthen her breathing.
  2. Push your face up really close to the human’s. Make sure your whiskers tickle her face.  Breathe on her (even if it means she breathes on you too). Reach out and lick her chin.  If she still doesn’t respond, step on her chin with one of your paws and press down. Guaranteed that will make her sit up.
  3. If she’s whimpering in a fetal curl, walk up and down her achy hips and legs. That may help ease some of her joint pain. Or not.
  4. If you can get her to lift the covers so you can slide under, fall asleep in her arms. When you wake up, make sure to reach up and poke her in the face. You want to make sure she’s still breathing.
  5. Human not doling out snacks and pets? Jump up on her and push your fluffy fur into her face.  That will help her breathe better.  Try clawing the pillows around her face to see if she responds.
  6. Yowl every 3 hours for food even if there are 3 kinds of food already laid out on the floor. (You can’t seriously be expected to have to eat old food from dirty bowls.) This way she doesn’t fall into a coma (or get much sleep).  If she cusses and snarls from her deathbed about all the food that’s out on the floor, jump up on her in bed and sing a song.  She’ll relax and stop the bad behavior. Just as she’s about to fall asleep, jump on her bladder or walk on her head. The latter is always helpful with influenza, since her head feel like it’s caught in a giant pair of vice grips anyway. Yelling will make her headache worse and will intensify the pain in every corner of her skull, including her teeth.  You’ve done your job. She’s still alive!
  7. Tag team her with your best pals.  Make sure she is surrounded and that everyone is singing songs to help her feel better.  Lull her back to sleep…for the moment.  Then repeat the above.

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Crazy Kitties

Let’s be honest. Cats hate change even more than humans do. And when they have a lot of change in their environment over a short period of time, it can sometimes lead to interesting forms of acting out.  So the human brought this on herself.  She decided to flip the furniture in her bedroom on Thanksgiving Day. What had been on the west wall is now on the east, and vice versa.  Of course, while this was all going on, the evil vacuum cleaner was busy sucking up all kinds of things, so the cats stayed far away. Later, after the noise quieted down, things were put to right, and the far-infrared mattress pad was turned back on on the freshly made bed, the cats appeared and began to check things out.  Talk about curious!  One after another they jumped up on the bed, sniffed and looked around, then jumped down only to jump up on a different piece of furniture to explore. Clearly they were quite at a loss as to why the human would do such a radical thing without asking their permission. To further intensify things, the human had washed a bunch of their fleece blankets and hung them out to dry, then brought them inside (smelling of the great outdoors) and put them back in their kitty beds. They love it when they have clean, fresh-smelling blankets!  That evening, there were some mighty interesting and noisy goings on in the house. Fireball ran around chirping loudly and even tried shredding the mattress foundation under the human’s head.  Caesar alternated whacking the ball around on the scratching disc and chasing other cats around playing tag.  Mac tried out 3 different kitty beds in their new locations much like Goldilocks visiting the three bears.  And Pepe and Corky chased each other quite loudly. It was a regular circus that went on until about 2 am. Fortunately, the cats have settled down now and seem to enjoy the slightly modified sleeping arrangements. Still, what was the human doing making a change like that without asking?

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Pattern Change

The Splashasaurus Merkitty has changed her water-flinging pattern.  Instead of the water only going to the right of the bowl, a new pattern has emerged where the water has been tossed to the left as well, albeit not as much.The human wonders what this means…probably that the little Minx is now using both her left as well as her right paws.  Leave it to the Merkitty to continually mix things up.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Mystery Muddy Footprints

It’s been brutally cold of late. We had snow flurries on Halloween and last week  it dipped below freezing for the first time in half a year.  The human had to haul the houseplants in from the great outdoors a couple of weeks back, including the big ficus tree. For a while she had the large pot (and its plentiful supply of soft fresh soil) barricaded with some containers to keep little kitty feet out.  However, one of the barricades had to be moved and the repositioned items clearly did not dissuade kitty visitors.The human came downstairs the next morning only to see a whole path of dirty, muddy footprints coming out of the pot and moving across a runner on the (unused) woodstove. (They’re subtle, but clearly visible in both photos above).  While she cannot prove it, the human suspects the Merkitty made a nocturnal visit. The human has redoubled her efforts to build an effective barricade, and so far that seems to be working. Give her time and the Merkitty will find a way back into the pot just because she’s not supposed to be there.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Return of the Merkitty

Well, the human recently made the mistake — several times in fact — of mentioning that Macaroni must have finally grown up, as there had been no Merkitty Puddles left in the house for at least 6 months.

The little She-Monster must have heard, as we’ve had floods every day this week on two floors of the house.  As you can see from the splash pattern, she only seems to throw water in one direction.  Such a Merkitty!

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

The Devil Made Her do It!

So there we were, in the process of getting ready to start our days.  The human was trying to make the bed and the kitties were trying to prevent that. Caesar had been sleeping in the top of the kitty condo beside the bed, but moved over to luxuriate on the soft blankets the human had just smoothed out.  <<So much nicer on the body than blankets with hard wrinkles in them!>>  Meanwhile, the Merkitty was a bit further to the right doing somersaults and being silly.  There’s Caesar in all his dignity, stretched out in sphinx mode, the middle of his body partially covered up with another soft blanket the human had folded back over him, and with that big tail of his twitching out of the other end of the blanket. <<You see where this is going, don’t you?>>  All of a sudden Mac realized there was something moving in her vicinity.  I don’t think she even stopped to think about what it might be, she just went into predator mode and pounced…on Caesar’s beautiful, sensitive tail. When the Merkitty pounces, all her teeth and claws are out. First Caesar flicked the tip of his tail out from between her paws. He looked a bit annoyed, but kept his cool because he’s the Emperor Kitty.  But the Merkitty is never one to back down from a challenge, so she moved and pounced on his tail again, this time pinning it to the bed. That elicited an explosion out from under the covers.  The Big Guy turned around to face the little minx, who tried to con him with that look of innocence…except she never can quite get the look right with that permanent smirk she wears.  Caesar literally “huffed” and left the bed with his dignity in tact.  The Merkitty?  What’s dignity? (Pride? That’s a different matter.)

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Meditating with Pepe

The human sets her alarm to go off early in the morning. That gives her time to wake up, catch up on email and news, and then meditate for 30-40 minutes before she has to get up and attend to morning duties. It’s a nice way to start the day.However, some mornings Pepe has other ideas. First he climbs up the human and alternately licks her chin and touches her face with his paws. <<Focus on the breath, focus on the breath…>>If that doesn’t catch her attention, then he begins digging vigorously on the blankets she’s wrapped in searching for….what? This is Pepe in full brat mode.If she manages not to laugh and break her focus, he then hops off her and starts burrowing like a mole under the blankets by her side.  If she wiggles her fingers while trying to remove a hand to pet him, he pounces for all he’s worth and attacks the menace under the blankets.  By then, the human has wisely concluded that meditation is over for the day.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Finding Your Own Entertainment…

img_4221The cats have been unhappy with their toy selection of late…well, all except the Merkitty and the round scratching disc featuring the ball that races around the outside.  No surprise, at least one of the kitties has decided to find his own entertainment. The human was sorting through mail and eating her breakfast recently. She’d crumpled up several small pieces of paper into a little ball and pushed it to the side as she worked on other things. The plan was to put it in the recycle bag as soon as she stood up from the table. Of course, the Table Thief immediately struck and cuffed the small paper ball onto the chair and then the floor. Off he ran scooting it around on the floor like a forward chasing a soccer ball down the field. Ooops, he scooped the ball up and it landed inside one of the human’s slippers. Well, that was inconvenient. img_4223Never one to give up on opportunities to play, Pepe first tried cuffing the ball out of the slipper. When that didn’t work and he just drove the ball deeper into the toe box, he adapted quickly and started cuffing the whole slipper around on the floor.
img_4226Admittedly, the slipper lacked the speed and maneuverability of the ball of paper. However, sometimes you just have to make do when the human doesn’t provide any better entertainment opportunities.
img_4227



(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.