Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Tormenting the Human

Real Cat Grass…At Last!

The produce manager at the human’s grocery store called first thing Saturday morning to let her know they finally had organic wheat grass in and she should stop by if she wanted any. The human, who was already out and about running errands, drove up there post-haste! Since they’d said they’d have more in next week, she only bought 1 pot so others could have some.  She picked out a lovely, tall pot of grass and triumphantly brought it home to the meows. And what was their reaction? Corky ate some and then threw up on the couch. <<Oh yeah.>> So far no one else seems to be giving it any attention, although Pepe did crouch down behind the plants…staring at his brother Corky across the room.  <<That figures.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

THIS is NOT Kitty Grass!

For weeks, the human’s favorite grocery store had tons of pots of organic wheat grass, so she stopped buying two pots at a time to ensure the kitties had their grass. Now that the weather has turned hot and the indoor plants are back outside for the summer and fall <<Hallelujah!>>, there are no spider plant babies on which to nibble. That means the kitties are alternately grumpy and trying to gnaw on the pathetic-looking kitty grass that’s left — and it’s not looking very good, let me tell you.Last evening the human made her second trip in two days to that store and came home empty handed (as far as kitty grass is concerned).  However, she did find a dandy pot of rosemary for a very good price and picked it up. When the kitties sauntered out to the kitchen to see what the 2-legged was up to and saw her holding a green plant, they got excited and ran over. She set the pot of rosemary down in front of them and all 5 came over and gave it a sniff. Two immediately departed with a disgusted look. <<That’s NOT kitty grass, idiot human. We thought you were a master gardener. Can’t you tell rosemary and wheat grass apart?>> The other 3 were a tad more interested or forgiving and spent more time checking out the greenery. In the end, they all concluded this was not acceptable table fare and walked away. The human will make another visit today, as otherwise punishment of some sort cannot be far away.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Meditating with Pepe

The human sets her alarm to go off early in the morning. That gives her time to wake up, catch up on email and news, and then meditate for 30-40 minutes before she has to get up and attend to morning duties. It’s a nice way to start the day.However, some mornings Pepe has other ideas. First he climbs up the human and alternately licks her chin and touches her face with his paws. <<Focus on the breath, focus on the breath…>>If that doesn’t catch her attention, then he begins digging vigorously on the blankets she’s wrapped in searching for….what? This is Pepe in full brat mode.If she manages not to laugh and break her focus, he then hops off her and starts burrowing like a mole under the blankets by her side.  If she wiggles her fingers while trying to remove a hand to pet him, he pounces for all he’s worth and attacks the menace under the blankets.  By then, the human has wisely concluded that meditation is over for the day.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Waking up the Lazy Human

The lazy human plays snooze alarm way too many mornings!  She grabs her alarm clock and puts it under her blankets or pillow, then curls up and goes back to sleep.  When the alarm continues to go off, she just keeps hitting that annoying button.  Fear not, for we’ve found a way to make her get up and stay up.  It’s well worth the effort to wake her as not only does that get us food and fresh water, but it gets our litter boxes cleaned as well. We even take turns and split up the duties.If the human is laying on her back, then Mac saunters over, sits on her chest and rolls around making sure to dig her nails into every surface possible.  Her sharp claws can penetrate through 4 layers of blankets. If that doesn’t work, then Pepe leaps and lands on her bladder with his 18 pounds. <<OOOFFFF!>> If she anticipates his arrival by tenting her knees, he scales her limbs and hangs off or he climbs onto her chest and sticks his furry face and whiskers really close to her face.  Caesar shortly arrives and head bumps her arm and shoulder.  Sometimes he licks her hands because he knows it tickles. (That’s his revenge for all the times she touches is paws!)If the human is laying on her side curled up in a pathetic little ball, then Corky or Pepe hops onto her hip and stretches out on her until her leg cramps.  Meantime, Mac attacks her on her pillow by wrapping her furry tummy around the human’s head and face. It’s important to bury the human’s nose and mouth in cat fur, as that usually gets her sniffling and sneezing. Imagine, she’s allergic to us!  Sometimes Fireball balances on her shoulder while all this is going on or brings her a toy mouse. And Caesar does the arm-licking thing on any exposed skin.  Mornings are so much fun in this house!

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

Our Human has been Gone & We’ve Felt Abandoned!

Poor little kitties.  Their human was out the door early and back late for four days last week.  Clearly, the kitties felt abandoned (or like they didn’t get enough human torture sessions in during those days). The last day the human got back early and climbed into bed with them for a cuddle.It wasn’t long before she had 2 cats on her chest, 1 next to her head on the pillow (who soon moved down by one of her arms), and 2 more in nearby kitty beds. All were singing up a storm and she even got her fingers licked by Pepe.Ahhhh, so good to be home. The formerly globe-trotting human has become a homebody with the help of her furry friends.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Pepe vs. the Pink Worm

Pepe has a cute little catnip-stuffed pink worm toy that’s tied to “his” chair in the kitchen.He spends a goodly amount of energy batting the poor thing around, kicking it for all he’s worth and, of course, biting it.  In fact, it’s one of the human’s tasks each morning to hold the toy in the air and dangle it over Pepe while he’s upside down so all 4 legs can attack the toy. This job is not without its risks — teeth and claws notwithstanding!On the other hand, it also has many rewards — not the least of which is great entertainment for cat and human alike.And at least it gives the big guy some exercise.Although that too comes with risks, as sometimes Pepe so vigorously chases the toy worm that he ends up rolling off the chair.At least it burn off some of his excess energy and reduces his boredom level a bit.And that means that 5 minutes of energetic dangling of toy-on-string means the human gets 5-7 minutes of peace and quiet to eat her breakfast, plan her day, and enjoy her coffee.Well, at least on some days.This is Pepe we’re talking about.Ah, cats…

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

 

Hide Your Feet, She’s Coming!

<<The human is sneaking up on me. Fortunately, even tip toeing, she sounds like a herd of elephants, so I’m on to her.>><<Blast it! She’s got that stupid camera that half blinds me.>><<Fortunately, since I heard her coming, I pulled my feet back inside my nest. She’ll really have to dig to find them now….although that doesn’t always stop her.>><<My vigilance paid off. She left my feet alone, although she did make those silly cooing noises and shot more photos. The things I have to endure to get 2 square meals a day and a warm bed.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

 

Attack of the Fluffernutter!

<<I tolerated that new human last night, but this is too much. >>
<<My own human has abandoned me for work and left this stranger in my house.>><<Ah, she’s playing with me. >><<Well, if she dangles the strap from her phone I’m certainly going to chase it.>><<Maybe she’s not so bad, but I’m still mad at my human for bringing her here without asking me.>><<I hate being left alone and I hate not being consulted. What does she think I am — a dog?>>
<<Don’t answer!>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Auntie Human Meets the Fluffernutter

<<Who is this? I haven’t met that human before.>><<Is she seriously putting her stuff on MY floor?>>
<<Who exactly invited this human anyway?>>

<<Should have known. My own human did. I suppose that means I can’t jump on her while she does yoga tonight.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Must Get the Very Last Crunchie!

Heard a crash early in the morning. Groggy mind went through the options and decided to stay in bed and return to sleep.Sure enough, when the lazy human woke up, this is what she found when she went to change water in the water bowls.Someone was trying to capture fallen crunchies by pulling the absorbent pad out from under the water and, by then, empty crunchy bowls. Funny thing about the rack…it tips over when you pull the pad out from under it.  Notice the flood? Thank goodness the grey rubber mat caught the worst of it. Argh. Merkitty is the suspect.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.