Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Tormenting the Human

Tummy Tuck

Corky has rules — a lot of rules — and one of them is that the human is NOT allowed to touch his tummy.

Now, mind you, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t regularly roll up on his back and show his soft white tummy to the human.

It just means the human is in a “look but don’t touch” sort of situation and must be on her best behavior.

Recently, as the 2-legged was trying to make her way from her office to the kitchen, an energetic Corky was trotting a few paces in front of the human’s feet. He flopped down on the floor and started rolling around.

Shockingly, the human was allowed to approach and pet his tum tum. She’s happy to report that it’s as soft as it looks.

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Outsmarted by the Merkitty Once Again

Let’s be honest and acknowledge that the human isn’t very bright — not compared with the kitties. Still, it has taken the Merkitty a year to figure out a way to flood the floor since the human switched to the heavy, straight-sided water bowl in the kitchen. While the Little Mischief quickly learned to climb up on the lip of the bowl and stick both forepaws in the water (and taught Pepe to do the same), when she scooped water up in her paws and attempted to toss it out of the bowl, the tall straight sides of the ceramic crock frustrated her efforts. The human would walk by and note the multitude of water droplets still clinging to the inside walls of the container and chuckle under her breath. The Merkitty clearly heard and finally has figured out a way to get revenge.

The human isn’t sure if the reason she’s been outsmarted is that she’s gotten overconfident and started filling the water level up higher or if the Watery One modified her scoop & toss technique. Regardless of how she’s doing it, she’s been flooding both the boot tray with dish-drying mat as well as the kitchen floor multiple times every day during the past week. In fact, just to rub it in, after a flooding session, she seeks out the human seated at her computer typing away frantically and hops up on the desk surface, forcing the human to move her keyboard out of the way. Then she head butts things off the desk while standing there with soaking wet paws and at least one foreleg wet all the way from toes to chest and shoulder. She is such a Merkitty!

The human is not sure what strategy to adopt next but she really does need to focus on solving the problem, as Miss Macaroni will not stop her mischief. Still, this has been the longest period of time the human has managed to outsmart the little monster, so at least the 2-legged has that going for her.

It is possible to outsmart a cat, at least for a little while. <<<Don’t let me hear you say or even think things like that!>>>

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

We Need a New Human

Our blog is languishing from lack of attention from the 2-legged. We’d sell her and buy a new human if we thought we could get a good price. Unfortunately, we tried that several years back and no one was interested. You can’t even give a human like that away.

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Dreamstime.com. File ID 28725707 © Stevanovicigor.

She Promised to Get Better

Have you seen any posts from her? Have you seen any cute pictures of us? Case closed.

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Dreamstime.com. File ID 16016049 © Robert Kneschke

One Bad Human

Our very bad human has not posted on our blog for over 90 days. We’ve tried guilt, punishment, acting cute, acting stern, bringing her toys, pouncing on her when she’s trying to sleep, walking across her keyboard when she’s trying to work, yowling when she’s on a conference call, and much more. Still, all she does is complain about her incredibly heavy workload. What does she think we do all day?

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Dreamstime.com. File ID 176510470 | © Yasir Khan.

Fireball Chills Out with the Human

It was early morning and not quite the time when the human had to drag herself out of bed. She was laying on her side when Fireball came up for his early morning siesta. The 2-legged’s duty is to hold the blanket up (letting out all the nice warmth) and wait for the Little Red Lion to slide under, turn around a couple of times, and then stretch out on the human’s arm while the 2-legged tucks the blankets around him. Usually, that leads to lots of furious scrubbing of the human’s hand and fingers while she tries to avoid his rough tongue by petting him. A little foot dangling ensued while the now wide awake human tried to take pics from above.

Fireball usually only stays 15 minutes. He heard another cat hop up on the bed and that was his cue to be on his way.

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

How Could You Let this Happen?

As you can see from Mac’s exasperated look, during the night the evil human failed to respond to multiple kitty pleas for more crunchies, since there was plenty of other kinds of food around the corner in other bowls. By refusing to wake up and refill the bowl, the 2-legged servant has let a catastrophe unfurl once again. There are only 3 pieces of kibble in the crunchy bowl. How it happened that Mac and Corky were able to eat kibble out of the bowl when the sides and bottom started becoming exposed is a mystery in itself. (Perhaps all the food was eaten by Pepe and Fireball, who don’t seem to have such qualms about eating out of a partially empty bowl.)

Still, if the human knows what’s good for her, she’d best get that bowl replenished — and fast! The kitties are not quick to forgive such malfeasance.

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Why Human Fingers Require Extra Washing

Everyone knows that humans are stinky creatures.

That’s probably because they have so much naked skin and also because they wash with soap and water. It’s clearly inferior to a spit bath.

Although it’s a thankless job, Fireball long ago took on the task of rewashing the human’s fingers and hands. In fact, he used to scoop up a finger in one of his soft little orange paws, clamp down with his claws, and scrub for all he was worth while the human howled in fits of laughter, since it tickled so much.

Fortunately, the human always tries to express appreciation after her bath.

Fireball feels satisfied about having contributed to the greater good of the human and household.

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

It was Bound to Happen Eventually

Mac loves solving puzzles, so the human knew that eventually she’d find a workaround for splashing water out of the tall, straight-sided water bowl. And right on time, she’s done just that.

It took a couple of months of frantic splashing, but she was finally able to toss water outside the water bowl the other day. It’s unclear if that’s because the human overfilled the water level, making the liquid easier to dislodge, or if the Merkitty has changed technique and found a way to lift the water out of the bowl and deposit it on the floor.

For now, the human has pushed the bowl further back on the rubber mat and dish drying pad. However, the 2-legged will need to ponder the latest development and see if she can think of another way to outsmart the Plesiosaurus.

(c) Copyright 2022, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Human Strikes Back

Finally, the human had had enough of the water bowls being flooded multiple times a day. She picked up the water-bowl rack and emptied what residual moisture was still in the 2 bowls. She hurried the water-saturated dish drying pad over to the sink and wrung it out as best she could, then set it aside to dry before sending it to the wash again. She dumped half-a-liter of water out of the rubber boot tray and set it aside to dry off a bit.

Next, the human pulled out a big and heavy ceramic water bowl that had recently been retrieved from the basement and washed. She filled it with a few centimeters of water, then placed it on the boot tray and a dry dish-drying pad. The bowl has steep sides that are close to 18 cm tall, and is nearly the same wide. The bowl is so heavy that no kitty feet are going to be able to move it. And, the human reasoned, the sides are tall enough that should the Splashy One start scooping water and tossing it, that the water will likely hit the sides and roll back into the bowl. In fact, if you look carefully at both images, you can see little water droplets on the walls of the bowl from repeated attempts to do just that.

We shall see if the human’s evil plan works. The Merkitty loves puzzles, so we can be sure she’ll take some kind of offensive action as soon as she’s figured out what to do. In the meantime, she does muck up the water once or twice a day, but at least the whole area is staying drier than it had been with the rack. Score 1 for the human!

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Flood Alert

The Merkitty seems fully recovered from her dental surgery. To demonstrate, she’s been flooding the water bowls downstairs so frequently that the human barely gets the bowls refilled than they are emptied again. It is a multi-times daily activity of late. Oddly, in hot weather when you might expect the Watery One to play in liquid refreshment, she does not. Only in the cold of winter (or approaching winter) does this annoying (but also amusing) behavior manifest. Still, it’s good to know she’s feeling good enough to be mischievous again.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Usual Suspects

It’s not that the human is paranoid. However, when she finds 3 or 4 cats all clumped up together as though she just walked in on a secret meeting she wasn’t meant to see, and where Corky drew the short straw and had to play lookout, well…you see where this is going.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Human-Attention Deficit Disorder

It has come to our attention that Mac and Pepe both suffer from HADD: human-attention deficit disorder. When Pepe wants the human’s attention and she’s otherwise occupied with reading news on her smartphone or planning out her day, he acts out by hopping onto the kitchen table and taking a quick spin or he starts cuffing small items off the table that he can reach from his chair. When Mac has HADD, she plops herself down on top of any cat that stands between the human and her own body so as to get all the attention. Both attention-getting approaches are effective, if not entirely fair.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Why there’s No Room on the Pillow for the Human’s Head

Need we say more?

This is a once or twice nightly kitty activity. Believe it or not, before the human got up, Mac was balanced precariously on top of the 2-legged’s head and Caesar’s back. Sheesh!

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Pillow Pal

The 2-legged is very lucky because, in addition to lots of Velcro furballs who are always glued to her body when she’s laying or sitting down, she also has multiple pillow pals that keep her company at night. The original pillow pal was Fireball, who will occasionally climb onto the human’s pillow when she’s sleeping on her side and curl up around her face. His tummy is so soft and fluffy, and his song is so sweet, that Fireball visits are always special. Unfortunately, being that close to kitty fur does not help the human’s allergies. Sadly, Fireball visits are always short, so you have to enjoy them while they last.

The next pillow pal was Caesar and he still visits daily. He favors wedging his big soft body between the headboard and the top of the human’s head and singing away for an hour or more. Sometimes he slides forward on the pillow, puts one big paw on the closest human shoulder, then curls his head into the crook of the human’s neck and falls asleep. <<<Awww!>>> Caesar is the only cat who will stay on the pillow once the human vacates the space. He also has become somewhat tolerant of the human gently stroking his velveteen paws, as long as she doesn’t push her luck and try to pet them for too long.

Mac is a more recent pillow pal recruit, as she normally favors stretching across the human’s body where it’s easy for her to get stroked and treated like the princess she is. She too is nearly a daily visitor. And being Mac, there are usually several headstand/head rollies before she settles down, and she will often wedge her sleek little body in between Caesar’s body and the human’s head. <<<We won’t mention what that does to the human’s hair.>>> However, let the human’s fingers get too close to her adorable paws and she’s bolts off the pillow as fast as can be. <<<There is only so much I’m willing to tolerate to give the human a little love.>>>

The most recent pillow pal member is Pepe. He favors laying slightly to the side of the human’s head. After all, even though he’s a big kitty, the human’s head is nearly as large as he is and he’s wary of getting smunched. He likes it when the human reaches up and gives him pets, but if she gets tricksy…as she often does when she tries to pet his paws…then he’s out of there! Unlike Caesar, who doesn’t mind sharing the pillow with the human and Mac, Pepe leaves if Mac approaches.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Back and Forth

<<<Do you see the level of the crunchies in this bowl? It’s getting lower…much lower. Soon it will be empty.>>>

<<<But there are plenty of crunchies in that bowl. You have to eat them up before they get stale.>>>

<<<How do you expect me to function with the prospect of impending starvation? It’s all I can think about right now.>>>

<<<You’re hardly going to starve in this house! There are 3 other food bowls just around the corner. You’ve gotten so spoiled. This idea that you can’t eat if you can see the sides or bottom of the bowl, when it is otherwise FILLED with crunchies, is beyond silly.>>>

<<<I’m so disgusted, I can’t even look at you anymore.>>>

<<<Princess Pouty Paws, you’re being silly.>>>

<<<My trust is broken and my heart is oh so heavy!>>>

<<<You’re being a drama queen, Mac. I’m not going to encourage this activity any further.>>>

<<<You are pure evil, human! Wait until you’re asleep. I’ll get my REVENGE!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Meeting of the Minds

Caesar and Pepe were having a meeting of the minds. They were dividing up the territory and deciding who would govern each region. Of course, there was also the matter of the human, who needs constant supervision and frequent reinstruction. They concluded that task was too big a burden for any one cat to take on, even with all their superpowers, so they decided to share the responsibility.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Corky Helps with Blanket Making

<<<I really don’t understand why my brother makes such a big deal about these blankets.>>>

<<<The cuts seem straight enough to me.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

How to Annoy the Resting Human

The human was trying to read a library book. Pepe had other ideas and camped out on top of the book so the human couldn’t open and read it.

Not content just to stop the human from reading, the Pepster is always intrigued by the 2-legged’s odd-looking human face. He likes to reach out and poke her chin with his paws, then push hard and see what happens. <<<You practically dislocated my jaw, bud!>>>

However, since the human had grabbed her phone and was snapping photos, and the camera was in front of her face, he first stuck his paw on the phone.

The phone proved uninteresting, so Pepe put his paw down on the human’s chest.

At that point, he realized just how tired he really was and yawned.

Since he was so tired, and the human wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, there was no sense pulling his foreleg back and poking her face again.

He just laid there, on top of the library book–which was no longer readable, given that his 17-pound gracile form was holding it closed–with his paw stretched out showing the human who was in charge and who was not. <<<Being in charge is exhausting, especially given how much reeducation the human always requires.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Thoughtful Afternoon Gift

Caesar, being the polite and thoughtful cat he is, likes to bring his human little toy mice as gifts several times per day. In the early morning hours, he hopes his gift will encourage the lazy human to exit the kitty nest and get going with her day (and the feeding of the meows). During the afternoon, when the human is often on conference calls, he likes to bring toys to the edge of her office in the hopes of getting her to wind up her day and feed the meows their dinner. The fact that his gifts are usually preceded by loud moaning sounds just adds to the interesting things that humans on the other end of the call get to hear.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.