Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Tormenting the Human

Brat-a-Saurus Messes with the Silly Human

Of late, Cranky Corky (aka Brat-a-Saurus) has had a great game going with the human. He starts in anywhere from midnight on and wails plaintively about the lack of fresh crunchies in the food bowl. (No worries, he’s not sick, he just hates being on a diet.)  Never mind that there is soft food sitting in one bowl and crunchies that are now puffed up from absorbing water sitting in a second bowl right next to him. No, he wants fresh crunchies and he wants them now! If the human doesn’t respond, he literally jumps in bed and stomps on her body, then he pounces on Mac and bites her neck or he chases poor Fireball off the bed and all the way downstairs.  In short, Cranky Corky is a royal pain in the back side and a complete brat.  Only when the human gets up and dispenses a small amount of fresh crunchies does peace and quiet return — for a few hours at least. Unfortunately, the more the human acquiesces, the more frequently the Angry Ankylosaurus pulls this stunt. The other option is to lock the Crankster in the other bedroom, although then everyone has to listen to him whine and complain for several hours before he settles down.  Anyone interested in adopting cute, middle-aged male cat with grey & white tuxedo markings? I might know one who needs a new home.  (Said by a human operating on weeks of little sleep.)

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

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Give me Attention or Suffer the Consequences!

This is the once petite and sweet Juniper, who owns the human’s niece.  Said niece had been very busy with work and life and had left Princess Fluffernutter home alone a lot lately.  When that 2-legged did return home — with mail in tow — and found a magazine she wanted to read, she tossed it on the couch intending to curl up and read it.  However, the Princess wasn’t going to be ignored any longer. She hopped up and defiantly laid herself across the magazine so it was now inaccessible to the human — at least without expending some effort.

What’s the moral to this story? Ignore a cat at your peril!

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photo by M. Ray.

Cookie Jar

The kitties each get 2 raw freeze-dried treats from the “cookie jar” in the morning. This temporarily fills big holes in little tummies and buys the human a bit of time to get their soft food prepared before the yowling begins.  Originally, the human used to toss treats around on the floor and invite each cat to go chase down the snacks. Most would literally hunker down and stare at the human as if she was crazy. Even when the human managed to successfully get a snack to land right beside a cat, the cat usually could not be bothered to turn and nibble. However, if the human kneels down on the floor and puts all the treats out in front of the cats, then they are happy to eat. While one could never really say they are well behaved as the human prepares to divvy up snacks, they are remarkably restrained given how they act at other times.The trick is not to stay and enjoy watching them nosh on their nibbles, but to quickly put the lid back on and run to the kitchen and get the soft food prepared as soon as possible. Some mornings the human remembers the bigger goal; some mornings she just enjoys watching the penta pack enjoy their treats. Those days she deserves the yowling that follows.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Why are You Bothering Me?

Needless to say, the human didn’t have a good answer…or at least one that was acceptable to Miss Mu.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

How to Help a Sick Human Recover

Ah, your human is waylaid with influenza? That’s bad luck on your part as that means she’ll be focused on her own survival and not on your whims and desires.  The trick is to help your human recover so quickly that she once again returns to her role of faithful servant.  Here are some pointers.

  1. Do settle your 18 lb bulk on the human’s ribs and chest — all the better if you’re pressing down on one lung. The human will thank you later for helping strengthen her breathing.
  2. Push your face up really close to the human’s. Make sure your whiskers tickle her face.  Breathe on her (even if it means she breathes on you too). Reach out and lick her chin.  If she still doesn’t respond, step on her chin with one of your paws and press down. Guaranteed that will make her sit up.
  3. If she’s whimpering in a fetal curl, walk up and down her achy hips and legs. That may help ease some of her joint pain. Or not.
  4. If you can get her to lift the covers so you can slide under, fall asleep in her arms. When you wake up, make sure to reach up and poke her in the face. You want to make sure she’s still breathing.
  5. Human not doling out snacks and pets? Jump up on her and push your fluffy fur into her face.  That will help her breathe better.  Try clawing the pillows around her face to see if she responds.
  6. Yowl every 3 hours for food even if there are 3 kinds of food already laid out on the floor. (You can’t seriously be expected to have to eat old food from dirty bowls.) This way she doesn’t fall into a coma (or get much sleep).  If she cusses and snarls from her deathbed about all the food that’s out on the floor, jump up on her in bed and sing a song.  She’ll relax and stop the bad behavior. Just as she’s about to fall asleep, jump on her bladder or walk on her head. The latter is always helpful with influenza, since her head feel like it’s caught in a giant pair of vice grips anyway. Yelling will make her headache worse and will intensify the pain in every corner of her skull, including her teeth.  You’ve done your job. She’s still alive!
  7. Tag team her with your best pals.  Make sure she is surrounded and that everyone is singing songs to help her feel better.  Lull her back to sleep…for the moment.  Then repeat the above.

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Crazy Kitties

Let’s be honest. Cats hate change even more than humans do. And when they have a lot of change in their environment over a short period of time, it can sometimes lead to interesting forms of acting out.  So the human brought this on herself.  She decided to flip the furniture in her bedroom on Thanksgiving Day. What had been on the west wall is now on the east, and vice versa.  Of course, while this was all going on, the evil vacuum cleaner was busy sucking up all kinds of things, so the cats stayed far away. Later, after the noise quieted down, things were put to right, and the far-infrared mattress pad was turned back on on the freshly made bed, the cats appeared and began to check things out.  Talk about curious!  One after another they jumped up on the bed, sniffed and looked around, then jumped down only to jump up on a different piece of furniture to explore. Clearly they were quite at a loss as to why the human would do such a radical thing without asking their permission. To further intensify things, the human had washed a bunch of their fleece blankets and hung them out to dry, then brought them inside (smelling of the great outdoors) and put them back in their kitty beds. They love it when they have clean, fresh-smelling blankets!  That evening, there were some mighty interesting and noisy goings on in the house. Fireball ran around chirping loudly and even tried shredding the mattress foundation under the human’s head.  Caesar alternated whacking the ball around on the scratching disc and chasing other cats around playing tag.  Mac tried out 3 different kitty beds in their new locations much like Goldilocks visiting the three bears.  And Pepe and Corky chased each other quite loudly. It was a regular circus that went on until about 2 am. Fortunately, the cats have settled down now and seem to enjoy the slightly modified sleeping arrangements. Still, what was the human doing making a change like that without asking?

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

From Cranky to Sweet

Corky has been mighty cranky for the past many weeks. He had a flare up of painful crystals in his bladder in late October that led to a vet visit.  (A 45 minute session cost $500 USD. Then vets wonder why we don’t make those 2-3x/year wellness visits for each cat like they recommend.) After a round of antibiotics (which he didn’t need, since he had no infection) and a few days of oral pain killer (which was as painful for the human to give him as it was for Corky to receive, since he fights meds like no cat the human remembers), his symptoms abated. Still, he was a mighty cranky little kitty and was especially mean to poor Fireball. He even harassed Miss Mac. (Apparently he hasn’t been keeping up on all the celebrities and politicians who are in serious trouble due to sexual harassment issues.) He had another flare up just before Thanksgiving. Fortunately, the human had some pain meds left from the last vet vsit, which got the household through the holiday lest a visit to the emergency vet be needed. (That would have been $1300 at least.) Doubly fortunately, Corky’s vet wrote another prescription for pain meds, which the human picked up the day after Thanksgiving. And the human went back to ensuring all the kitties’ food — canned, raw freeze dried, and crunchies — were well soaked in water before the felines were given it.  Now that Cranky Corky is properly hydrated and his bladder crystals have passed, he’s back to being a sweet little kitty again. The human has even spied him sleeping next to Fireball on the bed at night. Talk about Jekyll and Hyde!

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

White Mousy goes Dumpster Diving

The toy mice have been having great parties at night this week.  The human is greatly entertained with the places she finds them when she picks up each morning. Pink mousy showed up beside the smaller crunchy bowl upstairs, while orange mousy was close to climbing into the medium-sized litter box. Back into the toy box they go, only to reemerge for new adventures the next night. The other morning, white mousy went for a dive in one of the food bowls. The cats had nothing good to say about that meal offering, so hopefully at least someone enjoyed the food. Unfortunately, after sitting in a bowl of soppy soft food all night, white mousy is looking a bit worse for wear — even after a bath. Time for the human to clean out the three kitty toy boxes and see what else might need to be recycled.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Of Course they Didn’t Like it!

Silly human. She brought home two new poofy cat beds for the meows the other night and gleefully presented her gifts to the Feline Fraternity. Sure enough, they showed up and sniffed the new additions over. However, no one could be coaxed into getting inside or even looking inside either ultrasoft kitty bed. To add insult to injury, the human also found some new bowls for their kitty feeding station upstairs. The ceramic was wrapped in crackly paper to protect it as it left the store. The human put the crackly paper down on the floor and several of the cats had a great time burrowing under the sheets.  Meanwhile, the new cat beds got ignored. Cats! Can’t live with them; can’t live without them.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Pattern Change

The Splashasaurus Merkitty has changed her water-flinging pattern.  Instead of the water only going to the right of the bowl, a new pattern has emerged where the water has been tossed to the left as well, albeit not as much.The human wonders what this means…probably that the little Minx is now using both her left as well as her right paws.  Leave it to the Merkitty to continually mix things up.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.