Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Tormenting the Human

Bowl Patrol

It’s the afternoon. The human is cranking away on her keyboard and Bowl Patrol members are on duty.First, they visit the human in ones and twos to encourage her to take a break and give them a snack (or a full-blown meal).  If that doesn’t work, they intensify the pressure on the human by standing up and putting their paws on her desk or sinking their claws into her leg, scratching on items they know they shouldn’t, or jumping up and landing next to the keyboard.  The longer the human ignores them, the more intensely they act out. Finally, the silly human takes a break. There is great rejoicing right outside the office door. Of course, it’s important not to act smug like you think you’ve won the battle, so they quickly look away and participate in a bit of personal gratuitous grooming followed by a bit of community grooming.  It’s important to follow the human and make sure she is guided to the snack container or to the crunchy jar.  She often is distracted and completely forgets what you’ve worked hours to get her to do.  Such a silly human.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

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Little Red Bee Takes a Nap

Sometimes, when the human is really lucky, the Little Red Bee will make a visit to the bed and stay for an extended time.  He likes to put his back or rump against the human and then stretch out his shoulders and forepaws and sing a song. Of course, mixing (kneading) soon ensues. That’s when the human needs a lot of blanket between her skin and his nails, which are sharp like little scimitars. However, make a sudden move or a strange sound and the dozing kitty is gone faster than you can say Shazam!

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

She’s Taking a Short Vacation Out Back

<<The bad human and her computer were sent outside for a while. Hopefully, she’ll get back to blogging shortly. It’s kind of crowded out there and the internet connection is really iffy.>>

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image from Fotolia.com.

Pepe & the Pen

If cats got diagnosed with ADHD, Pepe would be a leading candidate.  He needs constant attention and affection from the human. Even with that, he gets bored very easily and needs lots of entertainment or he’s off to get into trouble. The silly human, after caring for and feeding the cats and tackling critical morning chores, finally sits down for her own breakfast and to plan out her day. She has to eat or write with one hand and pet or entertain Pepe with the other, or he’s head-butting her arm, tapping her shoulder or chin with his paws, climbing into her lap, and generally being a brat.  He doesn’t seem to have the will for self-entertainment most days.  One of the best ways to keep him entertained for a couple of minutes is to give him a pen.  Mind you, the human clamps the cap down very tightly before giving the pen to him. Fortunately, he’s never managed to get a cap off the pen. In truth, he doesn’t hang onto them for very long.
He starts by tossing and spinning them around for a bit.   Next, he stands up and cuffs them around the seat of his chair. Not surprisingly, the pens quickly find their way to the floor where he stares at them for a moment, then returns to his position and ask for another one. Jumping down from the chair and expending all that energy to chase a pen around the floor is just too much to ask of the Pepster most mornings. It’s nothing for him to go through one, then two, and finally three pens until the human has none to write with unless she picks them up off the floor. He’s such a Pepster!

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Dangerously Close to being Sent Back to the Dog House

<<Bad human! She’s forgotten that we’re more important than work and hasn’t posted in over a week. We’re giving her one more chance before we send her out to the dog house.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos from Fotolia.com

Tight Sheets

 

In this house, some kitties really take their responsibilities very seriously. For instance, Pepe is very determined to make sure the human does a good job stripping and then remaking the bed. If the Pepster thinks the human has made any errors, he quickly lets her know. One way he tells is by leaping and sliding across the bed and then attacking the sheets. If there is a pile of wrinkles where he lands, then the sheets weren’t pulled tightly enough.  Another favorite technique is to roll back and forth over the fabric and see what happens.  <<It’s unfortunate that the human isn’t more focused on quality control herself because a poorly-made bed can lead to bedsores. However, what can you really expect from a 2-legged?>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Almost Back in the Doghouse

<<That human has got to get her priorities straight! She’s working too much again and not saving time to update you all on our antics. We almost sent her to the doghouse again, but it’s been so hot that we decided to be merciful…at least long enough to see if she will respond appropriately.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photo from Fotolia.com.

The Watcher

This is Caesar. He’s on watcher patrol.  That means he’s sitting in the human’s office staring at her. Occasionally he walks over and head-butts her legs or stands up and puts his big Caesar paws on the edge of her desk. He’s already had a brushing and a freeze-dried raw meat snack.  However, he hopes he can encourage her to cough up some additional food if he just practices eyeball juju hard enough.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

I Double-Dare You to Mess with My Fur!

It’s been ridiculously hot (95-97 F/35-36 C) for many days.  Of course, a few days before that it was unseasonably cold (68 F/20 C). The weather’s been crazily alternating between too cold and too hot for weeks. And in between it rains…a lot. And it’s always very muggy once the temperature starts to climb. The meows lie around like little rags looking as miserable as the human feels.  You’d think they’d spend their time downstairs where it’s at least 15 degrees cooler, but not so.  And at night, they cuddle right up against the hot human. Since they’re shedding like crazy despite daily brushing, all that excess fur gets stuck to the human’s skin. <<Yuck! I love you guys, but can’t you move just an inch away from my side?>> The human should be happy they want to be close to her.  Of course, when the human walks upstairs to check on the meows, she gets the hairy eyebrow from Caesar. <<Don’t you dare touch my fur in this heat or I’ll be forced to stop being the nice guy!>> The human takes pity on the hot cat and leaves him alone…except for the annoying camera that is. A kitty has to expect a little bit of attention in this house…especially when he looks so cute.

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Boxed in…

The “oh so funny” human put a big box on the floor. The cats ignored it. The human picked up the wobbly egg toy, turned it on, and put it in the box.  Mac came over to check out the noise, at which point the helpful human picked her up and put her in the box with the egg. Mac was not amused. Neither was she entertained. She stared away ignoring her surroundings and plotting new methods to wake the human from a sound sleep at 3:30 am. The human has since been punished 3 nights running for her insolence.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.