Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Tormenting the Human

Back and Forth

<<<Do you see the level of the crunchies in this bowl? It’s getting lower…much lower. Soon it will be empty.>>>

<<<But there are plenty of crunchies in that bowl. You have to eat them up before they get stale.>>>

<<<How do you expect me to function with the prospect of impending starvation? It’s all I can think about right now.>>>

<<<You’re hardly going to starve in this house! There are 3 other food bowls just around the corner. You’ve gotten so spoiled. This idea that you can’t eat if you can see the sides or bottom of the bowl, when it is otherwise FILLED with crunchies, is beyond silly.>>>

<<<I’m so disgusted, I can’t even look at you anymore.>>>

<<<Princess Pouty Paws, you’re being silly.>>>

<<<My trust is broken and my heart is oh so heavy!>>>

<<<You’re being a drama queen, Mac. I’m not going to encourage this activity any further.>>>

<<<You are pure evil, human! Wait until you’re asleep. I’ll get my REVENGE!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Meeting of the Minds

Caesar and Pepe were having a meeting of the minds. They were dividing up the territory and deciding who would govern each region. Of course, there was also the matter of the human, who needs constant supervision and frequent reinstruction. They concluded that task was too big a burden for any one cat to take on, even with all their superpowers, so they decided to share the responsibility.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Corky Helps with Blanket Making

<<<I really don’t understand why my brother makes such a big deal about these blankets.>>>

<<<The cuts seem straight enough to me.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

How to Annoy the Resting Human

The human was trying to read a library book. Pepe had other ideas and camped out on top of the book so the human couldn’t open and read it.

Not content just to stop the human from reading, the Pepster is always intrigued by the 2-legged’s odd-looking human face. He likes to reach out and poke her chin with his paws, then push hard and see what happens. <<<You practically dislocated my jaw, bud!>>>

However, since the human had grabbed her phone and was snapping photos, and the camera was in front of her face, he first stuck his paw on the phone.

The phone proved uninteresting, so Pepe put his paw down on the human’s chest.

At that point, he realized just how tired he really was and yawned.

Since he was so tired, and the human wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, there was no sense pulling his foreleg back and poking her face again.

He just laid there, on top of the library book–which was no longer readable, given that his 17-pound gracile form was holding it closed–with his paw stretched out showing the human who was in charge and who was not. <<<Being in charge is exhausting, especially given how much reeducation the human always requires.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Thoughtful Afternoon Gift

Caesar, being the polite and thoughtful cat he is, likes to bring his human little toy mice as gifts several times per day. In the early morning hours, he hopes his gift will encourage the lazy human to exit the kitty nest and get going with her day (and the feeding of the meows). During the afternoon, when the human is often on conference calls, he likes to bring toys to the edge of her office in the hopes of getting her to wind up her day and feed the meows their dinner. The fact that his gifts are usually preceded by loud moaning sounds just adds to the interesting things that humans on the other end of the call get to hear.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Bowl or No Bowl?

Corky and Macaroni have a new “thing.” They cannot possibly eat out of a bowl of crunchies once a small section of the bottom of the bowl starts to show. No, it doesn’t matter how many crunchies are scattered all around the sides (as can be seen above). That bowl is now absolutely off limits, which means the human is in trouble and both cats are going to act out.

Interestingly, if the human just shakes the bowl and redistributes the contents so the bottom no longer shows, then the bowl is quite fine and the bad behavior stops — at least for a short time, until a small part of the bottom of the bowl shows again. Clearly, the human does not understand the need for such panic, so Corky and Mac amp up the mischief until the human can be persuaded to refill the bowl again.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Mousy Dental Treats

The human tried out a new-to-the-household package of dental treats for the cats. Despite being fish flavored, the monsters ate them up. So, encouraged, the human went back to the petfood store and bought several more packages. At this point, the monsters decided that they did not like the fish-flavored treats and stopped eating them. However, they did put one of their toy mice in the treat bowl just to see if it liked the snack. It did not. The human now has 4 packages of dental treats that are essentially unusable. <<<Heavy sigh…>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Holiday Gift Giving

The human decided to make no-sew blankets again for holiday presents.

The one thing you have to understand about the human is that we have to keep an eye on her. Think of us as quality control experts.

First, the fabric has to be smoothed out and the selvage edges have to be trimmed.

Then top and bottom layers have to be lined up and pinned together.

Next, the corners have to be removed from each side and fringe has to be cut, folded backward, and a small slit cut in the center of each pair of fringe. Both pieces of fringe are pulled through that slit, locking the front and back of the blanket together.

Of course, all along, the pins have to be retrieved and put back in the pin cushion so no one gets poked.

What would the human do without all our help? And what would the blankets look like if we didn’t inspect them at each step?

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Very, Very Bad Human

The very, very bad human is still alive and still living with us. Yes, we have been merciful, even though she hasn’t posted on our blog since late October. How are we supposed to keep up with our fans? Still, we’ve let her know in many ways that she continues to disappoint us. We finally had a breakthrough this afternoon when we guilted her into creating this post. How long the guilt will last is anyone’s guess, but at least we’ve made some kind of progress.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Crunchy Guardian

One of the many interesting things that Mac does is stand guard duty next to the crunchy bowl. <<You just never know when the human might decide to refill the bowl.>> See those imploring eyes? Only a truly cruel human could resist. Also, note that you can see the entire bottom of the crunchy bowl. Playing tough love and not topping the bowl off every time a bit of the bottom shows and Mac and Corky start throwing temper tantrums has proven that the cats can eat crunchies as the level in the bowl goes down.

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image my own.

Peculiar Things

Corky and Mac have a peculiar hang up involving the crunchy bowl.  They absolutely throw a hissy fit if, as they’re eating their way down through the contents of the bowl, they see a small space open up at the bottom of the container. Even though there are plenty of crunchies still in the bowl, it’s as though once they spy the bottom of the dish, that must mean the dish is empty.  This usually happens in the middle of the night when the silly 2-legged is trying to sleep. Corky yowls and starts beating up the curtains in front of the sliding doors and Mac does a variety of things ranging from scratching furniture to unplugging devices from the electrical receptacles. And both of the little darlings throw water all over the floor. <<You can see some in the upper right corner above.>>  The exhausted human wakes up, gets out of bed, looks at the crunchy bowl, points to all the crunchies that are still in there, and goes back to sleep. This goes on for several rounds a night until either the human gives in and refills the bowl or the cats give in and go to sleep. Well, last night, a very exciting thing happened. Apparently, they tried hard to wake the human, but she just kept rolling over and hiding under the covers. Apparently, in desperation, the cats actually ate almost all the crunchies out of the bowl. Now that’s progress!

 

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image my own.

The Monsters were Busy Last Night

This morning, the human found that the far-infrared heated mattress pad wouldn’t turn back on when she pushed the button at 4 am. She flipped the wall switch off and on a few times, as switching the light and mattress pad off is one of the Merkitty’s favorite pastimes when she’s frustrated with the human. Nope, that didn’t fix the problem. When the human finally got up for real and checked the connections on that side of the bed, they were secure. Bummed, she assumed the mattress pad had finally burned out.  However, just to be sure, she checked where the unit’s power cord inserts into a plug multiplier, that in turn plugs into the receptacle. To her dismay and delight, she found the power cord and the plug multiplier dangling out of the receptacle. The human then recalled hearing strange noises under the bed during the night and assumed that Macaroni had learned a new way to irritate the human by pulling the unit out of the wall. Honestly, for an 11 pound/5 kilogram cat, she’s a force to be reckoned with when she’s mad about something. The fun didn’t end there. When the human went downstairs to feed the monsters, she noticed that a lidded plastic container of cookies had been knocked off the table and had landed upside down on the floor, spilling cookies all over. The kitties aren’t allowed on the table, although that apparently doesn’t stop them in the middle of the night. The human theorizes that Pepe was chasing Fireball, who tried to escape by dashing across the table, knocking the cookies off. Fireball has no interest in sweets, but Pepe does. The fact that at least one cookie appeared to be missing a corner adds to the weight of evidence that Pepe was there.  Ah well, the human’s loss is the birds’ and squirrels’ gain.

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image my own.

Nail Trimming & the Modern Cat

<<What do you mean exactly by ‘it’s time to get your toenails trimmed?’>>

<<Don’t make me hurt you human, because I will! Why do you think I keep my claws so long and sharp?>>

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Understudy

Turns out that Ms. Mac may have been justifiably offended when the human accused her of tossing water out of the bowl and flooding floors on several levels of the house the past few weeks. It’s not that the human hasn’t caught her red-handed with her paws in the water bowl.  However, she’s apparently been busy training understudies. Now, Fireball and Corky are also drinking oddly out of the bowls and tossing water around. In fact, splashing water out onto the floor has become Corky’s go-to form of throwing a tantrum. He’s come to understand that the human merely laughs when he stands up behind the curtains and pummels them.  Hence, he’s adopted one of Mac’s more annoying behaviors to get the human to respond to whatever it is that he wants in the moment. How the human is going to respond to this situation is a matter of great discussion at the moment.

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Book Press

The human was trying to read a book. Pepe decided to help. He climbed onto the human and laid across the book. The human couldn’t budge the book. So much for a little reading before bed.

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Free to a Good Home: Slightly Used, Partially Aquatic Tuxedo Cat

The Merkitty has been very busy flooding the water bowls upstairs and down — not just once or twice but three times a day. The human simply can’t get the microfiber dish-drying mats under the water bowls dried fast enough to keep up, so has had to go out and purchase more of them. Still, the splash, splash, splash of little black & white paws continues. When the human catches the Merkitty doing this and scolds her, asking her to stop, the 2-legged gets a glare from the 4-legged, and the Merkitty gets the hairy eyeball from the lower life form. In fact, there was an epic stare down in the hallway on Saturday evening. That led to two days of the Merkitty boycotting the “kitty nest” (the human’s bed) and sleeping elsewhere.  However, something has shifted and the new mats aren’t nearly as wet when the human has checked them. Even better, Miss Macaroni has returned to the communal sleeping area and even curled up with the evil human this morning. Does this indicate that detente is near? <<Don’t worry, we aren’t really parting with the Girly Girl. She keeps life way too interesting.>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Mer-Monster

Macaroni loves to throw water out of all the water bowls in the house.  She doesn’t do it all the time, but when she does, she’s so forceful in flinging fluid that the human has had to rig elaborate systems of elevated bowls sitting on dish drying mats sitting on rubber boot mats sitting on rugs to try and spare her floors being ruined by the little minx. Her antics with the water bowl long ago earned her the moniker Merkitty (for mermaid kitty).

In truth, she’s the only cat the human has ever met who clearly does not understand the concept of a water bowl. Just like she eats with her front paws, she mostly drinks water with her front paws. On those rare occasions when she crouches down to drink directly from the bowl, she always has one front paw reaching around underneath the bowl in the raised rack as though trying to grasp something. When the human first adopted her and didn’t know better, she put out water in clear glass bowls, which may well have blown Mac’s mind, explaining much of her later crazy behavior.

The house has mostly been spared Mer puddles since last summer. However, in the past few weeks, the human noticed that the big upstairs water bowl was nearly dry come morning, even though it was full when she turned in the night before. Concerned that one of the cats might be needing more water than before, she added a second bowl of water for the past couple of weeks. Even with two big bowls, one bowl would end up nearly empty every morning and the second’s level would be down considerably. A few days ago, the human kneeled down to retrieve something by the water bowl and placed her hand on the dish-drying mat to steady herself, only to find that the mat was soaking wet. That’s when the dim-witted two-legged finally understood why the water levels were so depleted each morning. The Merkitty is back.

Of course, the Smirky One is admitting nothing and accepting no responsibility for these actions.

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image my own.

What We’ve Learned…

At first we got on the internet to request a new human. When none answered our offer, we tried to sell our old human to see if we could buy a better one. However, after looking around, we’ve come to the conclusion that our old human isn’t so bad after all…even when she forgets to post on our blog for 2 months.  We’ve made up and she’s promised to start posting again.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images courtesy Fotolia.com.

What! No Takers?

Interestingly, the feline masters seem shocked that not one single human being has applied to become the unpaid help in this house. What a deal it is. You get a small portion of the bed and a few drawers and one small closet to store your clothes, plus a single shelf in the refrigerator for your food. Your job is to be at their beck and call 24/7. Forget about uninterrupted sleep or any ideas of being in charge of the small but bossy 4-leggeds. They won’t tolerate that for a moment.  Guess they’ll have to continue putting up with their well-worn and reasonably well-trained human…at least for a bit longer.

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image (c) Can Stock Photo.

Help Wanted

Our human hasn’t posted on our blog for over 6 weeks.  We’re tired of all the excuses about how hard she’s been working, all the computer problems she’s had, and how tired she is. The fact is, our needs are not coming first — at least not all the time as they should be. Therefore, we’ve decided to look for a replacement human. Perhaps you know someone who would like to apply? Here are the qualifications:

  • Must blog regularly.
  • Must take daily pictures of us being cute and express appreciation that we allowed our photos to be taken.
  • Must not be squeamish when we put our toy mice in the food or water bowls. We do it….regularly. And Mac floods the floors from time to time. Get over it.
  • Must be willing to clean the litter boxes daily and wash them every 2 weeks…at minimum.
  • Did we mention that this is an unpaid job?
  • Must wash our fleece blanket collection at least once a month. We like all our bedding to be hung outside so it smells wonderful.
  • Must be available at all times when we wish to play, be petted, get brushed, have snacks, or be entertained…none of this “please don’t wake me up at 2 am” silliness. On the other hand, must respect our boundaries when we don’t want anything to do with you. Get over that too. You’re not in charge.
  • Must be willing to work hard (or be financially independent) in order to keep up our home and supply us with all the premium cat food to which we are accustomed and about which we will constantly complain. You must buy it anyway…even if we don’t always eat it.
  • And did we mention that this is an unpaid job?
  • Must keep the computer on and be willing to vacate it when we want to buy something or complain about our treatment on the blog.
  • Must be willing to share your credit card number as we’re very fond of Amazon Prime. In fact, we need more toy mice, as the last batch is messy after too many trips into the food bowls.
  • Must tolerate wide fluctuations in temperature — often in the same day — be unbothered by an absolute absence of sunlight much of the year, and not hate winter as it can last 5-6 months. And when it’s not snowing, it’s often raining. We can’t do anything about the weather. However, if you can, we’d really like to talk with you.

Any takers?

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image (c) Can Stock Photo.