Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Humor

Tiger Boy Sphinxes

The human walked by and saw the two Tiger Boys lying like sphinxes on the rug.  She told herself they were posing for the camera, so she ran and got it and started snapping pics.  <<Sometimes the safest strategy is to not move a muscle. Whatever you do, don’t make eye contact! If you ignore the human completely, sometimes she just walks away and you can go back to enjoying a great conversation without being interrupted by the silly 2-legged.>>  They looked so cute that the human left them be.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

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Bowl Patrol

It’s the afternoon. The human is cranking away on her keyboard and Bowl Patrol members are on duty.First, they visit the human in ones and twos to encourage her to take a break and give them a snack (or a full-blown meal).  If that doesn’t work, they intensify the pressure on the human by standing up and putting their paws on her desk or sinking their claws into her leg, scratching on items they know they shouldn’t, or jumping up and landing next to the keyboard.  The longer the human ignores them, the more intensely they act out. Finally, the silly human takes a break. There is great rejoicing right outside the office door. Of course, it’s important not to act smug like you think you’ve won the battle, so they quickly look away and participate in a bit of personal gratuitous grooming followed by a bit of community grooming.  It’s important to follow the human and make sure she is guided to the snack container or to the crunchy jar.  She often is distracted and completely forgets what you’ve worked hours to get her to do.  Such a silly human.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Not a One-Trick Pony!

Just for the record, Pepe is not a one-trick pony.   Let the critics be warned that he has mastered entertaining himself with more than just a pen.  Once in a while, he gets the human to share a rubber band with him for a few minutes.   First, he snags it from the edge of the table. <<Really, this is a form of entrapment by the human, who claims she doesn’t want me on the table but then tempts me with toys on the table! See what I go through?>>  Once it lands on the chair, it’s important to assess its probable level of aliveness.  That usually entails cuffing it around a few times to see if it will move on its own. Nope, seems like it’s dead.  That doesn’t mean it’s not cuffable of course.<<Okay, but after cuffing it for a few minutes, if it just sits there like a lump on a log, then it loses its entertainment value. Time to implore the human to give me another toy.>>  

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

But Why?

Normally the dreaded vacuum is avoided at all costs. Yet here lay Caesar and Mac spooning next to the vacuum. There is plenty of other space on the rug, so you have to wonder why they chose to lay down there.  Cats!

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Alien Invaders

See that little tail? It belongs to a cute chipmunk who likes to hang out in the bird feeder eating seeds. Said chipmunk is darned lucky that there are 2 panes of glass between him/her and the cat who is watching this alien invader.  He or she runs up and down the screens, which happen to be on the outside of the windows in this house, coming and going from the feeder. Sometimes the chipmunk and a little red squirrel who does the same thing (although never at the same time) will go sprinting up or down the screen right in front of one of the cats.  You can just bet that Pepe is on the job monitoring the yard and alerting the human to this insulting behavior.  If Pepe could get through the glass panes and the screen, he’d make fast work of that little creature. How disappointing that the human doesn’t help him do so.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Time for a Stretch

<<Despite what it looks like, sleeping is hard work. >> <<Every now and then it’s important to take a good stretch. Don’t forget to extend your chin and stretch your neck and throat. This is a good way to cool down your paws as well.>> <<You have to lift your shoulders high and open up your chest. Twisting helps ensure your intercostals get some action. Technique is so important here.>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Pepe & the Pen

If cats got diagnosed with ADHD, Pepe would be a leading candidate.  He needs constant attention and affection from the human. Even with that, he gets bored very easily and needs lots of entertainment or he’s off to get into trouble. The silly human, after caring for and feeding the cats and tackling critical morning chores, finally sits down for her own breakfast and to plan out her day. She has to eat or write with one hand and pet or entertain Pepe with the other, or he’s head-butting her arm, tapping her shoulder or chin with his paws, climbing into her lap, and generally being a brat.  He doesn’t seem to have the will for self-entertainment most days.  One of the best ways to keep him entertained for a couple of minutes is to give him a pen.  Mind you, the human clamps the cap down very tightly before giving the pen to him. Fortunately, he’s never managed to get a cap off the pen. In truth, he doesn’t hang onto them for very long.
He starts by tossing and spinning them around for a bit.   Next, he stands up and cuffs them around the seat of his chair. Not surprisingly, the pens quickly find their way to the floor where he stares at them for a moment, then returns to his position and ask for another one. Jumping down from the chair and expending all that energy to chase a pen around the floor is just too much to ask of the Pepster most mornings. It’s nothing for him to go through one, then two, and finally three pens until the human has none to write with unless she picks them up off the floor. He’s such a Pepster!

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Dangerously Close to being Sent Back to the Dog House

<<Bad human! She’s forgotten that we’re more important than work and hasn’t posted in over a week. We’re giving her one more chance before we send her out to the dog house.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos from Fotolia.com

Glow Cat

This is a perfect example of what the camera sees that the eye does not. When the human walked by and saw Caesar and Mac sitting in a small patch of sunlight, she thought it cute and grabbed the camera. Only after she took the photo did she realize that it looked like the Emperor Kitty was glowing.  As the human became aware of the effect, she walked closer and took more photos, which made the Big Guy a bit nervous. <<What’s she going to do — pet my paws?>Caesar Tiger Bear got off easy and only had to endure a few photos. Meanwhile, Mac was her usual nonplused self. Maybe this is more proof that cats are aliens sent here to spy on the lower-lifeform humans.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Messy Eaters

The human made the cardinal sin of dolling out soft food this week that was chunky.  These kitties have texture issues with chunky foods, even when they are served slathered in gravy, so the 2-legged has to mash up the chunks to get them smooth like a pate. However, being a silly human, she wasn’t as focused on the mashing part as she should have been and she left some chunks.  (It’s hard to be super focused on creating a perfect pate when being assailed by Pepe, who is convinced he’s speeding up food prep by trying to get on the counter and at the food and nutrients she’s adding, and while the others sit around and sound off about just how slowly the human is moving.)  Because there were chunks, the Pepster dragged them out of the bowl and deposited them (and the gravy they were drenched in) on the kitchen floor. Just what the human needed: to have to pick up that mess and wash that section of the floor before she started work.

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.