Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Humor

Waterwerks

The human found this mess when she arrived in the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the monsters a few weeks back. Not only was the rack with both water bowls tipped onto its side, spilling water everywhere, but the absorbant pad underneath was pulled out from under the rack and completely off the rubber boot tray.

This is clearly the work of the house’s resident water monster (and floor destroyer), Macaroni the Merkitty. <<<Heavy sigh…>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Dereliction of Duty

<<<Clearly, even a human can see that the bottom is showing in this crunchy bowl.>>>

<<<You can’t possibly expect us to eat out of a bowl that’s almost empty. Why do you make us suffer so?>>>

<<<Really, you don’t plan to refill the bowl? We’ll starve!>>>

<<<Come on, there’s nothing worth eating here. Maybe we should advertise for a new human again?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

What’s the Purpose of All This?

There he sat, facing the wall with his head turned away, as though pondering the meaning of the universe.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Are You REALLY Making Fun of My Face Again?

<<<That’s not even civil, let alone fair.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Back and Forth

<<<Do you see the level of the crunchies in this bowl? It’s getting lower…much lower. Soon it will be empty.>>>

<<<But there are plenty of crunchies in that bowl. You have to eat them up before they get stale.>>>

<<<How do you expect me to function with the prospect of impending starvation? It’s all I can think about right now.>>>

<<<You’re hardly going to starve in this house! There are 3 other food bowls just around the corner. You’ve gotten so spoiled. This idea that you can’t eat if you can see the sides or bottom of the bowl, when it is otherwise FILLED with crunchies, is beyond silly.>>>

<<<I’m so disgusted, I can’t even look at you anymore.>>>

<<<Princess Pouty Paws, you’re being silly.>>>

<<<My trust is broken and my heart is oh so heavy!>>>

<<<You’re being a drama queen, Mac. I’m not going to encourage this activity any further.>>>

<<<You are pure evil, human! Wait until you’re asleep. I’ll get my REVENGE!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

A Meeting of the Minds

Caesar and Pepe were having a meeting of the minds. They were dividing up the territory and deciding who would govern each region. Of course, there was also the matter of the human, who needs constant supervision and frequent reinstruction. They concluded that task was too big a burden for any one cat to take on, even with all their superpowers, so they decided to share the responsibility.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Why do You Always Blame Me?

<<<Just saying…>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Yes, You Really Are Seeing What You Think You’re Seeing

If you think you see the Merkitty with her head in a watering can drinking water, then that is exactly what is happening. Mind you, there are several dishes filled with nice clean filtered water sitting not 10 feet away in the kitchen.

It makes you wonder what the Tiger Boys think of the Watery One’s latest antics.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Pepe Flattens Aunt Nan’s Blanket Fabric

<<<It has come to our attention that fabric wrapped onto bolts is often wrinkled when purchased. If you don’t roll out the fabric and flatten the wrinkles, the blanket doesn’t look good when it’s shipped out the door.>>>

<<<Since we care about quality, we decided to help the human by rolling all over the fabric she was using to make a blanket for her 92-year-old aunt. Our goal was to reduce the wrinkles and improve the aesthetics of the blanket. If not us, then who?>>>

<<<Of course, we also have to watch the human and help her make straight cuts so the fringe turns out nicely. We enjoy playing with the fringe to make sure it has proper drape and positioning. These are not details you can leave to the human to work out on her own. Sad as it is to admit, she’s just isn’t good enough with her crafting. Fortunately, she has me!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Faithful Guardian of the Crunchy Bowl

Mac is the official guardian of the crunchy bowl. Even when the bowl is full, she sits beside it waiting for more to be added. Heaven help the human if she refills the bowl with a type of crunchy that the cats don’t like.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

How to Annoy the Resting Human

The human was trying to read a library book. Pepe had other ideas and camped out on top of the book so the human couldn’t open and read it.

Not content just to stop the human from reading, the Pepster is always intrigued by the 2-legged’s odd-looking human face. He likes to reach out and poke her chin with his paws, then push hard and see what happens. <<<You practically dislocated my jaw, bud!>>>

However, since the human had grabbed her phone and was snapping photos, and the camera was in front of her face, he first stuck his paw on the phone.

The phone proved uninteresting, so Pepe put his paw down on the human’s chest.

At that point, he realized just how tired he really was and yawned.

Since he was so tired, and the human wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, there was no sense pulling his foreleg back and poking her face again.

He just laid there, on top of the library book–which was no longer readable, given that his 17-pound gracile form was holding it closed–with his paw stretched out showing the human who was in charge and who was not. <<<Being in charge is exhausting, especially given how much reeducation the human always requires.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Big Red Crackly Bag

The human placed a big plastic bag from a takeout meal on the floor. Pepe, Mac, and Caesar all came over for a look and a sniff.

<<<Nah, we’ll pass. This isn’t so very interesting after all.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Afternoon Migration

The human took a break from working in her office one afternoon and found not one, but two toys had been left outside the door for her entertainment. Such thoughtful cats!

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Ander’s Blanket Gets Inspected

<<<That human needs to be closely watched every minute.>>>

<<<Did you see how crooked that cut was?>>>

<<<And just look at the way she tied off the fringe in that spot. Honestly, what would she do if I wasn’t here to give her lots of advice?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Turtle Much?

<<<Don’t say it. In fact, don’t even think it!>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Why Does She Behave Like that?

Caesar was stumped. Macaroni was flipping back and forth on top of the sheet of crackly paper with limbs akimbo. Her coat was coated with catnip. She was insensible to reason.

<<<Such a lack of dignity…and with the human watching….>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Second Kittenhood

Caesar Tiger Bear is very big and dignified kitty. (He’s not overweight, he’s just huge.) He’s the household peacemaker, when other cats have a dust up, but he’s equally judicious at administering paw bops when he thinks either four-legged or two-legged people aren’t behaving properly. In short, he’s the epitome of decorum and he rules the household with a velvet paw (but one equipped with sharp claws). The Big Guy must be feeling really good of late because he’s regularly been stepping out of character and acting positively silly. It’s like he’s enjoying his second kittenhood.

For instance, the human often gets out the laser pointer and runs the red dot around on the floor and up the walls in colder, darker weather when the dot shows up better. Caesar has sometimes stopped to sniff the dot, but in 8 years he’s never given it any more than a passing glance. However, a few months back, he actually chased it around on the floor and up the wall…several times. As big and powerful as he is, he’s kind of a scary dude when he gets moving fast like that.

And while Corky and Pepe love sliding around on crackly sheets of paper (repurposed packaging materials that get more play time than actual purchased cat toys), Caesar has never shown much interest.

Mac and Corky are real catnip enthusiasts and Fireball and Pepe can be talked into imbibing from time to time. While Caesar will happily eat a leaf of fresh catnip, and has been known to take a trip if the human sprinkles dried nippy on a rug, not so long ago he rolled around on a catnip-dusted sheet of crackly paper. He made a ton of noise and put a big rip down the length of the paper while flipping back and forth chasing an imaginary object. Even the other cats are careful not to get too close when the Big Guy is all wound up.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Bowl or No Bowl?

Corky and Macaroni have a new “thing.” They cannot possibly eat out of a bowl of crunchies once a small section of the bottom of the bowl starts to show. No, it doesn’t matter how many crunchies are scattered all around the sides (as can be seen above). That bowl is now absolutely off limits, which means the human is in trouble and both cats are going to act out.

Interestingly, if the human just shakes the bowl and redistributes the contents so the bottom no longer shows, then the bowl is quite fine and the bad behavior stops — at least for a short time, until a small part of the bottom of the bowl shows again. Clearly, the human does not understand the need for such panic, so Corky and Mac amp up the mischief until the human can be persuaded to refill the bowl again.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Scott’s Blanket Needed Inspection

<<<The human’s idea of quality control is definitely not up to par.>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Craziness of Comets

Fireball is a mellow little dude…until he’s not.

The other night, the human walked in to find the Little Red Bee all curled up on the bed, enjoying a snooze on the flannel and fleece. The two-legged picked up a couple of toy mice from another kitty bed and gave them to the ginger tabby, but he soon got up and headed for the now-refilled crunchy bowl.

After chores, the human was reclining in bed reading. The baby comet hopped up for some pets and some attention a couple of times, but soon left.

Not long after, big brother Caesar came in and all of a sudden the copper kitty got all jazzed up. He tore up the side of the kitty condo, hopped over onto the bed, then did a series of short runs, followed by abrupt stops, and sudden pivots in another direction, followed by short runs all across the bed.

All the time, his tail was flipping one way and then the other.

He picked up one after another of the toy mice the human had brought him and started tossing them in the air and cuffing them around on the bed. It was so funny to watch that the human grabbed the camera and started shooting pics.

Not long after, the Big Guy got wound up himself and went racing under the bed. His feet make the funniest sound when he’s silly — almost like he’s running on tip toes.

As Caesar came racing out from under the bed, Fireball, alerted to his brother’s imminent departure from the bedroom, barreled down off the tall bed and went running after his big brother, whom he shadows all over the house. The human marveled at how charged up the kitties were.

Next morning, when she opened drapes and shades from the night before, she saw a new batch of snow on the ground and understood that they’d all had snow sillies the night before.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.