Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Embarrassing Situations

Look What She Did to My Nails!

<<<First the evil human used the even more evil clippers on Caesar and then she used them on me. Look what she did to my beautiful nails! Is there no authority protecting bodily sanctity here? Okay, so maybe I was shredding the legs of her mahogany bed when she didn’t get up and refill my crunchy bowl at 2 am. Hey, I can’t eat out of it when the bottom is showing. Besides, how are these things even remotely comparable ?>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Mousy Dental Treats

The human tried out a new-to-the-household package of dental treats for the cats. Despite being fish flavored, the monsters ate them up. So, encouraged, the human went back to the petfood store and bought several more packages. At this point, the monsters decided that they did not like the fish-flavored treats and stopped eating them. However, they did put one of their toy mice in the treat bowl just to see if it liked the snack. It did not. The human now has 4 packages of dental treats that are essentially unusable. <<<Heavy sigh…>>>

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Playtime for Corky

Corky is a big fan of the flat scratching disc with a single ball that rolls around it’s perimeter. He’s even a bigger fan of the 3-tiered tower with 3 different balls that can spin around the outside at the same time.

The Corkster hates it when the human catches him having a bit of fun by himself. If she’s not quiet while taking pictures, he stops what he’s doing and sometimes leaves the area.

Still, even when he’s aware that she’s watching, sometimes he’s just having so much fun that he forgets to be self-conscious and goes back to chasing the spinning balls.

He’s got the cutest little white paws and, when he’s into it, he really gets all 3 balls spinning simultaneously.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

Distressing Things that have Happened

It’s been so long since the human has posted that many things have happened to us that our fans don’t know about.

For instance, after inviting our neighbor’s cat to stay with us for 5 days — did anyone think to ask if we were okay with this arrangement? — a few weeks later, the human brought a small kitten into our house.

Granted, the kitten was only here for a few hours while the human arranged to bring it to a shelter. Still, she held it in her arms and cooed over it in our presence. We were not amused. At our age, we do not want to have to start all over and train a kitten.

Fortunately, the human took the tiny kitten away and the tiny kitten was eventually adopted. You have to stay on top of that two-legged every minute because, when you’re not looking, she’ll bring anything into this house.

(c) Copyright 2021, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images my own.

The Monsters were Busy Last Night

This morning, the human found that the far-infrared heated mattress pad wouldn’t turn back on when she pushed the button at 4 am. She flipped the wall switch off and on a few times, as switching the light and mattress pad off is one of the Merkitty’s favorite pastimes when she’s frustrated with the human. Nope, that didn’t fix the problem. When the human finally got up for real and checked the connections on that side of the bed, they were secure. Bummed, she assumed the mattress pad had finally burned out.  However, just to be sure, she checked where the unit’s power cord inserts into a plug multiplier, that in turn plugs into the receptacle. To her dismay and delight, she found the power cord and the plug multiplier dangling out of the receptacle. The human then recalled hearing strange noises under the bed during the night and assumed that Macaroni had learned a new way to irritate the human by pulling the unit out of the wall. Honestly, for an 11 pound/5 kilogram cat, she’s a force to be reckoned with when she’s mad about something. The fun didn’t end there. When the human went downstairs to feed the monsters, she noticed that a lidded plastic container of cookies had been knocked off the table and had landed upside down on the floor, spilling cookies all over. The kitties aren’t allowed on the table, although that apparently doesn’t stop them in the middle of the night. The human theorizes that Pepe was chasing Fireball, who tried to escape by dashing across the table, knocking the cookies off. Fireball has no interest in sweets, but Pepe does. The fact that at least one cookie appeared to be missing a corner adds to the weight of evidence that Pepe was there.  Ah well, the human’s loss is the birds’ and squirrels’ gain.

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image my own.

What We’ve Learned…

At first we got on the internet to request a new human. When none answered our offer, we tried to sell our old human to see if we could buy a better one. However, after looking around, we’ve come to the conclusion that our old human isn’t so bad after all…even when she forgets to post on our blog for 2 months.  We’ve made up and she’s promised to start posting again.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2020, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Images courtesy Fotolia.com.

What! No Takers?

Interestingly, the feline masters seem shocked that not one single human being has applied to become the unpaid help in this house. What a deal it is. You get a small portion of the bed and a few drawers and one small closet to store your clothes, plus a single shelf in the refrigerator for your food. Your job is to be at their beck and call 24/7. Forget about uninterrupted sleep or any ideas of being in charge of the small but bossy 4-leggeds. They won’t tolerate that for a moment.  Guess they’ll have to continue putting up with their well-worn and reasonably well-trained human…at least for a bit longer.

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image (c) Can Stock Photo.

Help Wanted

Our human hasn’t posted on our blog for over 6 weeks.  We’re tired of all the excuses about how hard she’s been working, all the computer problems she’s had, and how tired she is. The fact is, our needs are not coming first — at least not all the time as they should be. Therefore, we’ve decided to look for a replacement human. Perhaps you know someone who would like to apply? Here are the qualifications:

  • Must blog regularly.
  • Must take daily pictures of us being cute and express appreciation that we allowed our photos to be taken.
  • Must not be squeamish when we put our toy mice in the food or water bowls. We do it….regularly. And Mac floods the floors from time to time. Get over it.
  • Must be willing to clean the litter boxes daily and wash them every 2 weeks…at minimum.
  • Did we mention that this is an unpaid job?
  • Must wash our fleece blanket collection at least once a month. We like all our bedding to be hung outside so it smells wonderful.
  • Must be available at all times when we wish to play, be petted, get brushed, have snacks, or be entertained…none of this “please don’t wake me up at 2 am” silliness. On the other hand, must respect our boundaries when we don’t want anything to do with you. Get over that too. You’re not in charge.
  • Must be willing to work hard (or be financially independent) in order to keep up our home and supply us with all the premium cat food to which we are accustomed and about which we will constantly complain. You must buy it anyway…even if we don’t always eat it.
  • And did we mention that this is an unpaid job?
  • Must keep the computer on and be willing to vacate it when we want to buy something or complain about our treatment on the blog.
  • Must be willing to share your credit card number as we’re very fond of Amazon Prime. In fact, we need more toy mice, as the last batch is messy after too many trips into the food bowls.
  • Must tolerate wide fluctuations in temperature — often in the same day — be unbothered by an absolute absence of sunlight much of the year, and not hate winter as it can last 5-6 months. And when it’s not snowing, it’s often raining. We can’t do anything about the weather. However, if you can, we’d really like to talk with you.

Any takers?

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image (c) Can Stock Photo.

What Do You Mean, You Can See Me?

Apparently Pepe thought he was more hidden than he really was….

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved.  Photos my own.

Still Thinking About it…

<<We’re still thinking about giving the human back her old job of writing our blog posts. She does have a lot of experience, and her paws do much better on the keyboard than our own, but we have to remind her that our needs come first…ALL of our needs, not just food, shelter, and litter-box cleaning — all of which, admittedly, she does keep up.  The longer we take to give her an answer, the more desperate she gets, which is pretty funny.>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image from Fotolia.com.

Fired Again

<<The human has hardly posted at all during the last month. She’s been too preoccupied with work deadlines and had too little focus on telling our story to the world. That’s no way to make us feel special. We fired her. She’s contrite and has asked for her old job back. We’re considering it. What do you think? Should we take her back?>>

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photo from Fotolia.com.

When Humans Run Amok

<<You did WHAT?>>  <<Let me think about that for a moment.>> <<Nope, that was definitely NOT a good idea. What are we going to do with you, human?>>

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Pillows

Caesar is a big fan of pillows.  He’s very fond of the human’s pillow (but only when the human is using it) and he likes blanket pillows. He also enjoys laying his head on a human leg or arm and making it a pillow. However, his favorite head supports are his Kickapoo pillows (catnip- and fiber-stuffed logs with fake-fur “tails”).  They’re just the perfect size for a kitty head.  He also loves to play with them by holding one end between his forepaws and kicking the other end for all he’s worth with his rear paws. This very morning he tumbled off the bed while wound up on catnip kicking at that pillow.  After his exertions are over, he loves to lay his head down on his little pillow and catch up on his well-deserved rest. Of course, when the human sees him do something embarrassing…and, worse yet, when she laughs about it, it takes a bit of time for him to get his composure back again.

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

What Do You Think it Does?

<<When the human presents you with a new toy, you’re supposed to be super psyched.>><<Woohoo!  What do you suppose this one is supposed to do?>> <<Oh, it spins around. Am I providing sufficient positive reinforcement for the fragile human ego?>><<Whoohoo! This is so much fun!>> <<How long do I need to keep up the interesting banter?>> <<If you don’t make a big deal about whatever she dragged home for us, she gets all mumpy faced. Humans are such big babies!>> <<But really! How many times can you chase this silly thing in a circle and then knock it over before it gets to be very boring?>> <<If I brought such a thing to her, how long do you think she’d play with it?>><<I’ve seen how long she plays with the toy mice we bring her. Not long at all!>>

 

(c) Copyright 2019, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Chair Gymnastics

The human got new ladder-back chairs for the kitchen last year.  Unfortunately, she unwittingly got some that have fewer back slats spaced further apart than the old chairs. That’s only a problem for the Merry Pepster, who loves to roll around on the chair seat and often ends up rolling off the back since there no longer is a slat to stop him. His morning calisthenics routine involves lots of rolling around and nuzzling the chair back,  often with an unplanned exit off the back or sides.  If the human is paying proper attention, she can often stop him from rolling off the chair.  However, if she’s busy checking email, eating breakfast, or otherwise preoccupied, Pepe either has to stand up and tap her on the arm or shoulder or risk a tumble.<<Silly human needs so much watching!>>

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Afternoon Gifts

The human was on the phone talking with a client. All of a sudden, she heard a cat wail. <<‘Is that in your house or mine,’ the human asked?>> <<‘It’s not in mine,’ the other human said.>> <<‘Hang on a moment while I check that no one’s been murdered’ said the human of this house.>> She stuck her head out of her office and found Miss Macaroni. At the Girly Girl’s feet sat a toy mouse.  <<Oh, what a nice present.>> <<Oh, you’ve deigned to notice me human? See if I bring you entertainment tomorrow afternoon.>>  It’s a good thing that many of the human’s clients also work out of their homes and also are owned by furry people.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Fotolia.com.

Enough is Enough

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Fotolia.com.

Good, Now that She’s Gone, We’re Going Shopping…

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Fotolia.com.

P.S. Cats…

 

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Fotolia.com.

The Human’s New Friend

 

(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of Fotolia.com.