Living with Carnivores

A vegetarian human's adventure with cats

Category: Tormenting the Cat(s)

You WILL Let Me Wash Your Face!

This is Caesar in action.  Imagine having your head and neck mangled like that.Clearly Fireball had a dirty ear or face or whiskers that needed scrubbing.  Equally clearly, Caesar decided that the Little Red Bee wasn’t equipped to do the work on his own, so The Big Guy came to the rescue.It’s a wonder Fireball’s neck isn’t out of kilter after all of that mauling with those big paws. And of course with Caesar spit on him, his fur will be standing on end for hours.  However, at least it will be clean!

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

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The Queen

Beyoncé has nothing on this Queen B.  It’s the Merkitty and she doesn’t look happy that the human disturbed her paw dangling meditations to snap a photo. (The sneaky human added injury to insult by petting that dangling paw, which is so soft! The human has such poor impulse control, which is why she rated a scowl.)

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

 

Are You SERIOUSLY Going to Bother Me?

Fireball was zonked out in one of the kitty beds this morning. The human approached intending to give him a kiss and a few pets.  Half-lidded amber-green eyes opened and implored the human to leave him be. She of little restraint did halt and go back to get the dreaded camera. While she didn’t mess with his fur, she did snap a photo and flash his eyes with the annoying fill light thereby proving that there really is no rest for the weary.

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Chilly Sillies

No, the kitties have not gone on holiday and the human hasn’t either. The lazy 2-legged has just been very busy and has not made time to chronicle the adventures of the 4 leggeds. However, it’s been unseasonably cool for August and there have been some notable antics of late.  The human calls these the “chilly sillies” since we’re not quite in snow-silly season, and it’s definitely the cool weather that seems to be driving the humorous exploits.  (When it’s hot and humid, they just lay around in little piles on the floor and look miserable — much like the human who flops on furniture a few feet higher off the ground.)  Here are some of their recent adventures.

  • Macaroni is back to making her Merkitty messes, leaving big water puddles around the water bowls.  She also uncharacteristically has started chasing the red dot from the laser pointer around on the floor. Usually she’s w-a-y too sophisticated to stoop to such silliness. Additionally, she’s back to curling herself around the human’s head early in the morning and washing the 2-legged’s face while using her cute paws to pat the human on the face. (If only she’d fully retract those darned claws, the process would be quite relaxing. As it is, the human has to keep eyes open and face pulled back a bit to avoid getting hooked.)
  • Fireball is a master of “hit and run.”  He bounces up on the bed, squeaks, and lands on the human. Then he comes over and settles down sphinx style very close to the human’s face and looks at her. Or, he turns and faces the other direction leaving a bum in close proximity to the human’s face, which meanwhile is getting swished with a striped orange tail.  He stays about 90 seconds and then squeaks and runs off to something more interesting than a human…unless he thinks he can get her to give him some kitty toothpaste, which he just loves the taste of and will eat 10x a day if the human would let him.
  • Corky has been getting lots of exercise upstairs both morning and evening chasing the laser dot.  He also spontaneously chases balls around the tracks of two toys upstairs at all hours of the night. He’s very vocal at any hour and lets the human know what he thinks about the empty crunchy bowls at 2 am, at 4 am, and at 6 am. Then he keeps up a steady chatter trying to encourage the dawdling and half-asleep human to hurry up and put breakfast on downstairs. Unfortunately, Corky’s also been chasing poor Fireball, and Pepe is chasing both Corky and Fireball.  Anything that moves is fair game.
  • Pepe has been such a brat to Fireball that the human put him in a collar with a jingly bell. He thinks he’s hot stuff because he’s the only 4-legged with a collar and a bell, and the collar is quite sparkly.  He was so jazzed up this morning that he even chased the human, who then had to try not to step on the rapidly approaching creature.  In between, Pepe kept entertained by running from one bedroom to the other, jumping on the bed, spinning in circles, and then jumping off and running to the other room.
  • Even Caesar Beaser has been silly of late.  He bounces up onto the bed and runs over to get pets from the human. When he’s done being cooed over, he stomps across the top of the human’s pillow and flops down beside her and begins dangling paws and tail until Fireball or Mac decide to join him in the kitty bed. At that point he jumps down and seeks solitude elsewhere.

Looking in their eyes, you almost can see the wheels turning:  What can we do to mess with the human today?

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Sit Down

<<The rule is that if you approach the human for a pet and a nuzzle — a necessary thing, to be sure — then you must keep the back end of your body angled away from her hands. Otherwise, being undisciplined, she’ll bend down and scoop you up and hug you. The hug’s no problem, but having feet off floor is definitely an issue. >><<If she slides forward in anticipation of picking you up, you must sit down and do so quickly. That way she can’t get her hand under you. If she tries, you must back away until you are out of reach. When she sits down and acts polite again, you can re-approach her, but be on guard and be prepared to sit down fast if she misbehaves again…and she almost surely will.>>

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.

Let Sleeping Cats Lie

After a week of horrid heat and humidity, we are once again back to unseasonably cool weather, and that means the meows have been feisty!  Caesar comes barreling up onto the bed at 5 am to greet and snuggle with the human. After proper obeisance has been paid, he either stomps across the human’s pillow and asks to be let under the covers on the human’s right side (never the left side, only the right side for Undercover Kitty) or he flops down heavily on the human’s left side and presses himself against her leg or hip (never on the right side for hip snuggling, only the left). It’s really sweet. He’ll stay for 20 minutes or so, but once Fireball shows up and demands attention from both the human and Caesar, the Big Guy is off again for parts unknown only to return around 6 am. At that point, he curls up in one of the kitty beds and becomes an insert lump of fur bereft of all dignity.  He’s so out of it that if the human starts petting and kissing him, he wiggles his paws a bit and whimpers pathetically like a human teen ordered out of bed before he/she has had enough sleep. <<Leave me alone or there will be hell to pay when I can finally move again.>> It’s like he’s in a coma and can’t be roused even by evil human fingers petting his paws or stroking his adorably soft tummy. If the 2-legged was genuinely kind and compassionate, she’d let the sleeping cat lie. But of course, having poor impulse control, those feet are just too tempting to let be. And then there are the annoying photos to take in low light (nearly guaranteeing there will be a bright flash of light to further disturb poor Caesar’s sleep.  See what he must endure in this house?

 

(c) Copyright 2017, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.