Ah, your human is waylaid with influenza? That’s bad luck on your part as that means she’ll be focused on her own survival and not on your whims and desires. The trick is to help your human recover so quickly that she once again returns to her role of faithful servant. Here are some pointers.
- Do settle your 18 lb bulk on the human’s ribs and chest — all the better if you’re pressing down on one lung. The human will thank you later for helping strengthen her breathing.
- Push your face up really close to the human’s. Make sure your whiskers tickle her face. Breathe on her (even if it means she breathes on you too). Reach out and lick her chin. If she still doesn’t respond, step on her chin with one of your paws and press down. Guaranteed that will make her sit up.
- If she’s whimpering in a fetal curl, walk up and down her achy hips and legs. That may help ease some of her joint pain. Or not.
- If you can get her to lift the covers so you can slide under, fall asleep in her arms. When you wake up, make sure to reach up and poke her in the face. You want to make sure she’s still breathing.
- Human not doling out snacks and pets? Jump up on her and push your fluffy fur into her face. That will help her breathe better. Try clawing the pillows around her face to see if she responds.
- Yowl every 3 hours for food even if there are 3 kinds of food already laid out on the floor. (You can’t seriously be expected to have to eat old food from dirty bowls.) This way she doesn’t fall into a coma (or get much sleep). If she cusses and snarls from her deathbed about all the food that’s out on the floor, jump up on her in bed and sing a song. She’ll relax and stop the bad behavior. Just as she’s about to fall asleep, jump on her bladder or walk on her head. The latter is always helpful with influenza, since her head feel like it’s caught in a giant pair of vice grips anyway. Yelling will make her headache worse and will intensify the pain in every corner of her skull, including her teeth. You’ve done your job. She’s still alive!
- Tag team her with your best pals. Make sure she is surrounded and that everyone is singing songs to help her feel better. Lull her back to sleep…for the moment. Then repeat the above.
(c) Copyright 2018, PeggyMalnati. All rights reserved. Photos my own.